Is this the end?

This seems like an appropriate time to end the blog.  The story was cancer, and it is a story that has hopefully ended, right?


I spent nearly all of the fall of 2009 sick.  In January, 2010 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I started a blog for the purposes of communication and journaling.  I went though 6 cycles (12 doses) of chemotherapy.  I read the Livestrong guidebooks.  I read many pamphlets from the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.  I made Sarah read actual journal articles.  I shaved my head.  I gained 30 pounds.  It wasn't muscle.  I met a lot of new people and heard a lot of stories.  I was sick much of the time.  I developed some taste aversions.  I got a central line.  I got a line removed quickly thereafter.  I got a port.  I started a whole bunch of new ancillary medications.  I re-learned how to calculate an ANC.  I stopped trading securities and derivatives.  I was recommended marijuana, many times, never by my oncologist. Often, I thought that the cure was worse than the disease.  I couldn't exercise as I liked.  I missed work frequently and regularly.  I ordered a bowflex.  I adopted "One Fun Thing" and have tried to live by it.  I've actually tried to increase upon OFT, and have encouraged others to do the same.   I had to give up alcohol and many of my favorite foods.  I started wearing a yellow rubber bracelet.  I spent many nights sleeping in the basement due to temperature fluctuations, sometimes my own, sometimes the house's, sometimes to give Sarah some peace.  I fell in love with ginger ale.  I fell far "out of love" with ginger ale.  My eyebrows fell out.  I met more doctors than I could name.  I bought a new mountain bike.   I became a stranger to people I'd worked with for years who didn't recognize me.  I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror.  At times, I've eaten healthier than ever before, but early on, I ate worse than ever before.  Sometimes, I didn't eat at all.  I got a port removed.  I got some new tattoos for radiation, to go with all my other new scars.  I bought many new synthetic t-shirts to treat my new tape allergy.  I also got a bunch of long sleeve t-shirts to protect from the sun.  I watched a lot of TV.  There were times I wanted to give up.  Six months never felt so long.  When the end came, I was nervous that it was over and I wasn't sure what was next.


Last month I was given the news that my body had a "complete response" to the chemotherapy fighting the lymphoma.  Remission.   Then I found out that radiation might not be the best option for me when the risks and benefits were weighed out.   All of this great news was punctuated by a great time in Steamboat Springs with the "Ride 4 Yellow."


Now seems like an appropriate time to end the blog.  Guy gets cancer, learns a bunch of things, has some trying moments, laughter, tears, goes into remission.  Happily ever after.  The end.


Only it isn't the end.  I'm not sure where the end is, or even if there is one. Even if you can get far enough out that oncologists will use the word "cure" instead of "complete response"or "remission."


Phone calls, emails, and get-well cards slow down, appropriately. Doctor's visits slow down as well, thankfully.  The fight isn't over.  I didn't want it, but I also didn't get a choice.  People in the world of cancer discuss a "new normal."  I'm not even sure I'm there yet.  I've also blogged about the "obligation of the cured" a few times now.  


And so, "Josh Vs Lymphoma" will continue, although the focus will shift somewhat.  I'll still note some fun things, but the frequency may be less.   Please check in if you are so inclined to find out the results of my oncology follow-up appointments, or what I'm doing to continue my fight.  In the meantime, I hope this has been an enjoyable read.