Radiation Oncology appointment #2....and some good news

As I posted, I had my PET scan yesterday.   Although it was only my second time, it went very routinely.  Hard to even comment on it.   I was nervous about it, for obvious reasons, but really I was nervous about the results.


Today was my second appointment in radiation oncology.  The first one was simply meeting with the radiation oncologist and talking about everything.  After that meeting, I felt like I had a decent grasp on what radiation entailed.   Maybe I wasn't as sure as I thought.


When I got there today, my doctor was not around.  I guess I hadn't anticipated that he wouldn't be there, but the appointment wasn't with him, it was a "simulation."  So, I figured they'd just "simulate" where the radiation would go.  It started out with a consent with one of my physician's partners.  He went through all the standard things, which include the possibility of future cancers from radiation, but the high risk of relapse without it.   Then he asked if I had any concerns.  Well, of course I did!   Was there anything he could do about them?   No.


I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before or not, so I will here.  I apologize for those that have heard this, which is most of you.   When they discuss "focused field" radiation and "shielding" organs, what I had imagined was basically "Batman" body armor, with the ribbed abs built in, and instead of a yellow bat symbol, a tumor shaped hole cut out.   I guess this was a ridiculous expectation, but I didn't know.  Halfway through chemotherapy, one of my nurses laughed at that and told me what it would really be.


What I didn't know was that although I wouldn't get my batman armor, I would be getting a mask.  Stolen from google images, this is what it looks like:

So, I was under the impression that my "focused field" would be right at the chest, but one of the planners suggested (in the room, although not to me) that it could go as high as my chin.  Maybe she was talking about something else, but I don't know.  She said that she wanted my chin to go "as high as he could take it."   Wow.


I suppose I should say here that the mask does NOT start out looking like that.  It starts as a flat meshy thing with a frame (as you can see in the pic).  So, imagine the mask being flat.  It looked plastic and brittle.   They said they'd put hot water on it and form it to my face.   I heard this, I thought I understood it, but it came as one of the bigger surprises in my life.   So, they are showing me the flat "pre" version of my mask, and the next thing I know, I'm laying on the table, with my head in the cradle (and chin "as high as I could take it"), and they are pushing this mask over me the way you might use a pillow to smother a person!  Sure enough, that "brittle looking" plastic gave way all over my face and then they're putting cold cloths on to "solidify" it.  


So, now I'm laying on the table in this CT machine, and I'm in this mask, and they are screwing the mask to the table, and I'm closing my eyes because there are lasers everywhere, and I have my shirt off and all these sharpie marks on my chest, and now I'm wondering.....how did I get to this point?    They started to put tape everywhere and I managed to get out that I had a tape allergy.  (Sort of.  Still).   They yank the tape off, but told me they'd start, and then I had 15 (?) minutes in the machine, eyes closed, no idea what was going on.


Eventually they came out and unhooked my head from the table.   I was very confused.  If was in a CT machine, it wasn't on, since they didn't make me remove my metal belt buckle or watch or anything.  So, then they were ready to mark me.   Instead of my batman armor, they give you these tiny dot tattoos to line up where the radiation will be.


At this point, I had no idea what my PET scan results were, and neither did any of these "planners."  OK, so, how can you "mark" me for my radiation when you have no idea where you'll be radiating?  The answer to this question was that 1) they'd largely be using the old scan, since they're going for my biggest tumor primarily, but even more so 2) they're just body landmarks, and they use them to shift the field of radiation towards the tumor, rather than actually marking the tumor.   So, that was marginally calming information.   After that I got my little tattoos, and then was sent to watch a video about radiation.


The appointment ended with a nurse who basically told me about skin care.  There wasn't really any worthwhile information from that meeting, and I was allowed to leave.   I was feeling very overwhelmed and quite honestly, I was nervous.   I went back to work to finish a few things before heading home.


On the way home, one of the (medical) oncology nurses called on behalf of my oncologist to tell me the PET scan indicated remission.    Maybe today wasn't such an upsetting day after all.