Josh Vs. Lymphoma

One Hour Thing

2011-06-15T21:16:00.001-06:00

Meeting my new oncologist was uneventful - which is perfect. "Uneventful" is really a great word for describing a visit to the oncologist, even when it is a new one. The only question I asked was in regards to how long my skin would still be ultrasensitive to everything, but he didn't know as there are several possible outcomes there. So, we continue on forward with the hopes of seeing clean chest x-rays and scans indefinitely. One year down (almost), and four to go. The plan will be yearly chest x-rays and yearly PET scans alternating every six months.

I wanted to mark the one year anniversary of my final chemotherapy. My last chemotherapy was particularly brutal. So, I wanted to figure out how to create as much pain as possible to sort of commemorate it. Hence, "One Hour Thing."

The Hour Record is a particularly curious event in cycling. For those unfamiliar, it sounds astonishingly easy. Ride your bike for an hour? Sure! Many of us do it all the time, and then we add many more hours to that.

On the other hand, Eddy Merckx - the greatest and most accomplished cyclist the world has known - said that his hour attempt was "the hardest ride I have ever done." For a winner of multiple TdF's (5) and six other grand tours along with countless classics races to say this, there must be something to it. The history of this lists some of the greatest names in the sport, and my friend Charles and I eagerly await another legend making his attempt. What makes this so difficult? A lot has been written on this at wikipedia, cyclingnews, and velominati has a great piece on this. Basically, if you give this your best effort, there are no breaks, there is no recovery, there can be no comfort found (I won't be riding a Boardman Superbike), and time seems to dramatically slow.

I was asked why I felt the need to find a painful way to commemorate pain. I'm not sure I could even appropriately explain this excellent question. It isn't a guilt or obligation thing. Really it is about living. Chemotherapy made me a walking zombie. It is difficult to remember sometimes. I'm hoping to get out near my edges of good pain and really feel alive in the hopes I'll never forget what those days were like and how much they contrast with these days.

Although the whole thing may sound like it is about distance, it isn't. Henri Desgrange did 21.95 miles. Coppi and Anquetil did 28.458 and 28.681 miles. Merckx did 30.714 miles. Boardman did 30.721. Having done a few intervals and a dry 85% run on the Stayer's Line at another track, I have a sense of where I'll end up, although it is far short of Coppi and I won't share my guess - because it is about the experience. I'm only measuring laps done, and I may estimate the last partial piece as a guess for myself for future attempts, if any. I certainly won't be calling USA Cycling and I may not even share my results. (See previous paragraph). On the other hand, if anyone is around mid-day next Tuesday (June 21) and wants to hang out and get lunch after (assuming I can walk), let me know.

Tomorrow is a big day

2011-06-06T21:16:00.000-06:00

As some of you know, my oncologist has left and I'll be needing a new one. This was shocking and saddening for Sarah and I. The upside is that it happened now, rather than during the thickest parts of my fight.

I picked my new oncologist out based on the recommendations of colleagues, friends, and most of all, from my old oncologist. I am told he is very different in style from my old oncologist - from her as well.

He was the one who had ordered my recent PET scan, though. I did this several weeks ago already, and did not expect to hear the results until my appointment with him. He doesn't know me, so, why would he call? Still, his nurse was kind enough to call and tell me that the scan was clean. It was such a pleasant surprise.

My appointment is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm not really looking forward to it for obvious reasons.

If I'm still "clean" tomorrow, that'll be 11 months since declared as such. It seems like a lot longer than that.

What I recently noticed is that discussion of anything related still provokes strong responses, specifically a crazy sweat. At a recent meeting, the chair of the oncology department described how new "high deductible" plans often put her patients into such a financial position that they don't even know how they can afford treatment, which makes it extremely difficult for her to care for them appropriately. Additionally, I recently heard of two other cancer related cases and again, I immediately started sweating. I wonder if that will always be the case for me.

Want to ride bikes this weekend?

2011-05-08T19:16:00.000-06:00

Consider joining us for the Second Annual Wheat Ridge Cyclery Livestrong Ride.

Details here:

The inaugural WRC Livestrong Ride, benefiting the Lance Armstrong Foundation (Livestrong), was one of biggest bike shop ride fundraisers in the U.S. in 2010. Riders and friends of WRC helped put together a donation of over $10,000 for research to eradicate cancer!

This year we're doing it again and we welcome you to join us. The ride leaves the shop under escort of Wheat Ridge and Lakewood Police Departments. Escort continues to base of Dinosaur Ridge.

Once over the ridge, there will be a fully stocked aid station in the lower north parking lot at Red Rocks. At that point, riders are welcome to demo new 2011 bikes from our vendors, or to simply return to WRC. Lunch will be served post-ride at WRC.

When: Saturday May 14, 2011. Ride leaves WRC at 8:00 a.m.

Where: WRC to Red Rocks and back. See map below. WRC is also hosting our annual Demo Day that morning at Red Rocks.

Cost: $75, with ALL proceeds going to the Lance Armstrong Foundation (Livestrong)

Sarah and I will be there. The link to this event is

RIGHT HERE.

http://grassroots2011.livestrong.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=443028&team=4084995

How will we be getting to Red Rocks? Above it mentions the police escort. What isn't mentioned is this:

The LIVESTRONG Ride departs from Wheat Ridge Cyclery at 8:00am on Saturday morning, May 14th. Ron Kiefel, ex-Team 7-11 pro, Olympic medalist and seven-time Tour de France racer will lead out the ride. This is a fully supported ride . . a no-drop ride . . with a turnaround and water/refreshment stop in Red Rocks Park.

So, there you go. Ride with one of the best.
At the end the local Livestrong crew will be serving up lunch. If this isn't enough to convince you to join us, let me state that the entire $75 goes to Livestrong. You get a GREAT swag-bag, that we helped stock this past weekend. It includes a saddle bag, livestrong cycling cap, tube, and some other goodies. ALL of that stuff was generously donated by Wheat Ridge Cyclery, which is what your donation to go completely to helping cancer survivors.

We are definitely a few riders short of our goal. Hopefully see you there!

So we had this fire...

2011-04-01T18:57:00.000-06:00

The Indian Gulch wildfire started almost two weeks ago. Luckily, we escaped any sort of bad fate, although our neighborhood was on evacuation alert for 5 days. Being on standby for evacuation is certainly unpleasant, and the days were stressful.

A neighbor wrote a great blog on the whole thing here: http://blog.ericdaugherty.com/2011/03/golden-fire-summary.html I don't have anything to add to what he wrote on the specifics.

He took some great photos, as did another neighbor Jeff Warner. Jeff Day 1, Jeff Day 2, Jeff Day 3. (These are worth a look!)

I even took a few myself, which ended up on KDVR.com (Fox 31)'s website.

The fire, at closest point, was probably a half a mile from our neighborhood.

So, what do you take? What is important? What do you mind never seeing again?

These are good questions, and probably worthwhile for everyone to ask themselves once in a while. I never did prior to this. Obviously your important papers, birth certificate, passport, and insurance documents are no brainers. Grabbing the Brunner One Fun Thing was my first thought. Honestly, even before documents.

As I unpacked, I realized I still have no idea. I took what I thought best, but in all likelihood was some items of poor choice. I grabbed four footballs. (!) Admittedly, one of them means a lot to me as it was a gift from the Packers. I grabbed some autographed baseballs and some baseball cards. We grabbed some photo albums, and obviously two portable hard drives full of photos and tax documents. I grabbed a few books that were important to me. The goal is to try to forget anything that is irreplaceable.

Well, that would be myself and Sarah and the dogs primarily. How does it work if the evacuation notice goes out when we are at work and the dogs are home? The answer isn't entirely satisfactory, and I should say the answer(s) don't completely match when you ask the Sheriff vs the Fire Department vs the incident management team. Truthfully, I almost would have rather been evacuated for sure, so as to avoid the stress of wondering about returning home. I suppose we could have evacuated ourselves. These are a few of the lessons we learned which are worth sharing:
1) Get a bank safety deposit box
2) Find a safe spot for the pets, possibly for the duration
3) Find a safe spot for the big items
4) Scan important documents
5) A big safe isn't a bad idea
6) Time to replace the roof!

A few of these I'd already taken care of. It is also worth thanking everyone that reached out to us during this.

I hope we are done with natural disasters for awhile. Or any kind, actually.

Iron Horse Donation Solicitation

2011-02-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

This May will be my first big ride (race, really) of 2011. I'll be riding with Team Livestrong in the Iron Horse Classic.

Consider this post my official donation solicitation, and that can be done right here: http://ride.livestrong.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=443023&supid=220829000

Why give?
1) Fight Cancer
2) Make Josh Smile
3) Tax Deduction
4) I've been known to send presents for big donations.

About the race:

47 mile road race. USA Cycling sanctioned event, all rules apply. Riders must have annual or one day license. Due to the road closure no team or support vehicles are allowed on course. Riders must be self sufficient. Yellow line rule in effect, even on closed road portion.

I am definitely looking forward to it.

Oncology Follow up #2

2011-02-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

Last Friday (sorry it took me so long to get this posted), was my 6-month follow-up. It was actually 8 months, but by their design.

Their philosophy is follow labs, minimal diagnostic radiation (unless necessary). My oncologist says nearly everyone who does relapse has a known symptom come back. Mine were pretty non-specific (no lumps and bumps), which leaves me with cough and being tired. I've had both of those things, but in a different way than before I was diagnosed.

The verdict is: still clean. What a relief! Given the lack of specific symptoms, I pretty much expected that, but the labs can always get you. Luckily this wasn't the case, so I'm good to go.

This visit my oncologist brought a new oncology fellow who was from New Zealand and had some interesting insights for us. After the check-up and stuff, we talked about some psycho-social stuff, which is going MUCH, MUCH better for me than at my 3 month follow-up.

So, now we get to be relieved for another 4 months or so, at least until the anxiety of the next visit starts up, which is usually around the time it gets scheduled, or maybe 2 months from now.

Rapid Reaction: Superbowl XLV

2011-02-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am very excited to see Aaron get his belt, and Donald Driver and Charles Woodson get their rings. What a special year for this team, and I was glad to see them at Lambeau.

Not much else to say, but Sarah and I are excited!

The Packers are going to the Superbowl!!!

2011-01-30T22:11:00.001-07:00

OK, not really news by this point. Still, I wanted to write a quick note about the Packers, although the notes I wrote last week were more important. Superbowl XLV will be played in Dallas, TX next Sunday.

Obviously, Sarah and I are excited about this.

So, rather than carry on about this, I thought I'd put just a few thoughts and links.

1) Truthfully, I'm shocked - I thought their season was over when they lost to the Detroit Lions and New England Patriots weeks 14 & 15. Just making the playoffs was really surprising to me, all things considered. Just look at the injuries they have sustained this season. Ryan Grant, Mark Tauscher, Nick Barnett, Jermichael Finley, Brad Jones, Brady Poppinga, Brandon Chillar, and a promising rookie in Morgan Burnett is a huge list to overcome. Still, the way AJ Hawk and Desmond Bishop stepped up, I hope they are the core of the inside linebackers moving forward. Sam Shields and Tramon Williams stepped up huge as well, and the Pack may just have a running game in James Starks.

2) I really want them to win this Superbowl (obviously), for Donald Driver. Driver has been my favorite player since around the time Favre started waffling 5 or 6 years ago. Who's shirt did I wear when I got to go to Lambeau this season? Oh yeah, #80 - Donald Driver, picture here. He has a very interesting life story, a great foundation, and he writes children's books that help kids deal with adversity - something he is an expert on. (BTW, definitely click the link on 'life story.') All of these things are amazing, but we can't forget just how talented he is, and how tough. He has been consistently willing to go across the middle and get hit by linebacker after linebacker for his entire career, and he always pops up with a smile. DD plays the game the right way, and he is fun to watch. Fact.

Dave sent me the link to this video. It is probably the best song parody I've ever seen. You'll likely laugh and be impressed with some of the great catches that are easy to forget over time.

My sincere hope is that the Packers win, and Donald has an MVP winning day.

3) The Packers hate cancer. This was illustrated to me firsthand right here. It still gives me pause to read the warm, hand-written note from their community outreach department and look at the gifts they sent me. Ryan Grant especially hates cancer in Part 1 of a story of a young boy with Leukemia. Part 2 is even sadder, click the link for some tears. What a fan! The boy actually died in his Donald Driver jersey. I feel fairly certain that Ryan Luxem and I would've gotten along just fine, and it is special to know what the organization and Ryan Grant did for him in his last days. I've said it many times, but I really believe this is the classiest organization in sports.

5) Green Bay will be the "home" team for the Superbowl (it alternates yearly, and this year is the NFC's turn). As such, they get to pick their uniforms, and have opted to go with home greens.

That is the jersey Greg Jennings will wear. It still needs the Captain C. I'm a little disappointed they didn't choose the road whites that they had so much success in over the last 3 playoff games.

I subscribe to the Crash Davis philosophy of streaks, although admittedly, two of their last five games were in the home greens at Lambeau.

BTW, a great blog about Packer uniforms can be found here. I've clicked over there often lately. It is the official blog of the Packer uniform database. How much can you possibly say about Packer uniforms to necessitate a database and blog? - Click over to see. It is a wealth of interesting information. (seriously!)

6) Speaking of streaks and uniforms, since I do believe in that sort of thing, I'll be wearing my white #12 jersey and Packer hat sent to me in the care package. I would rather wear the #80 jersey shown above, but I won't mess with this streak. That said, I have been known to change mid-game when things aren't going well. (They're working on curing my cancer, not my neurosis).

7) For those of you with iPads - this app is a must have. It is the Superbowl XLV program. Just like the $15 book you can order from NFL shop, only with sound and video. It is a big program, but well worth it. I was lucky to find it.

8) As a last thought...."Josh, your list doesn't have a number 4." Yep, I do realize that.

NEITHER DO THE PACKERS!!!!!

This is Aaron's team now. They win and lose with Mr. Rodgers. Hopefully, they win one more!

GO PACK GO!

A Request for Thoughts, Prayers, Positive Energy, Whatever you may have

2011-01-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned my friend George on this blog a few times. He and I were diagnosed at approximately the same time. Unfortunately, he has "failed the lumps and bumps test." In other words, the ABVD was not completely successful and the lymphoma has recurred.

I can assure every one of you that this is one of the biggest fears of any cancer survivor out there. I'd be lying if I said I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on this possibility.

Still, Sarah and I had dinner with he and Susan this week, and they are doing as good as can be expected. In fact, his tumors have already responded dramatically, which is great. George looks great to me, and he still is running and biking. In fact, I'm pretty sure he got more in this past week than I did. It was a very fun evening at a terrific local vegetarian / vegan restaurant, and we had some drinks and of course swapped cancer stories from the trenches.

I have every confidence and sincere hope that his current plan will work for him, but I'd ask anyone reading, if they have any extra thoughts, prayers, positive energy, karma, ju-ju or whatever to send it his way!

What Cancer Cannot Do

2011-01-21T22:07:00.000-07:00

My Aunt had given me this poem, which I am sure most of you have seen at one point or another previously, when I was diagnosed. She had another friend diagnosed, but the place she bought the little bookmark with it was out. It is worth posting here yet again. Since it is plagiarized all over the internet, I figure I won't get into trouble.

What Cancer Cannot Do

It cannot cripple Love

It cannot shatter Hope

It cannot corrode Faith

It cannot destroy Peace

It cannot kill Friendship

It cannot suppress Memories

It cannot silence Courage

It cannot invade the Soul

It cannot steal Eternal Life

It cannot conquer the Spirit.

-Author Unknown

One year later...

2011-01-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

It has been one year since my diagnosis. 1/11/11. What an easy date, and yet the realization of 1/11/10 didn't hit me until tonight. At a local Livestrong Colorado meeting tonight, we eaqch went around and discussed our connection to cancer. That's when I realized what today meant.

They say cancer patients never forget their dates, and I guess I technically didn't, but I sure didn't wake up and have it on my mind all day. I consider this both great and disappointing at the same time.

I had thought to maybe quietly mark today somehow, although I never really finalized how. I didn't have big plans, and as I noted in October, today means far less to me than my remission day or last chemo day.

I don't really feel the same way about my diagnosis day. It certainly wasn't a "take charge attitude" sort of day. Maybe quiet acceptance in my case. Having said that, it seems appropriate enough to designate a day to raise awareness. Granted, the "cancer community" has a lot of these types of days, but, let's be honest: we need them all. I likely won't do much to mark my own diagnosis day, but I do have big plans for my remission day, and probably my last chemo day.

So the day never really got marked beyond going to a Livestrong meeting, which was coincidental. I'm not sad to see 2010 go, for obvious reasons. Only 11 days in, 2011 is already much, much better than 2010 was. So much has changed in a year. I couldn't even begin to catalog all the changes. As Sarah has also noted several times - "it almost doesn't even seem real." This too is both great and very sad. If I sit and think about it, it is unbelievably real. Unrelated to my diagnosis, today I did reflect on some very long meetings at work where I could barely hold myself together due to extreme fatigue, nausea, and taste changes. I don't think I'll ever forget what those chemo days were like. There are still foods I won't eat, and I haven't had a ginger ale, my previous miracle, since probably 1/2 way through chemotherapy. I probably could get one down, but there is no part of me wanting it. At the same time, it does feel like it was so long ago as to be another life, and in a sense it was.

I haven't blogged in a long time: not much to say, despite a ton of things going on. I do have a race coming up, and participating with Team Livestrong means raising some money, which I'll be doing soon. I also recently spoke on the phone with Jonny Imerman of Imerman Angels. I have been trying to get set up as a mentor for months, and now it is all finalized until they find someone for which I can be of help, and so I'm very excited about that. One of our good friends continues his fight with cancer, which has made me scared and angry. The rumors are true: my career has taken a very sharp turn down a very different path which I am excited about. Sarah and I are finally taking a much needed relaxing vacation to a place which is very important to us next month. Lucy is now a year and a much mellowed-out boxer, and technically an adult dog we are told. Where was that when Sarah was at her wits end between the dog and my uselessness? I'm still riding, and have been trying to learn a new discipline on the bicycle. My next oncology follow up is in February, and I'll let you guys all guess how the anticipation of that goes. In other words, I've been living, or as a family friend likes to say, "Life goes on." Thankfully, that is true for me.

Sarah and I are famous

2010-11-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Well, of course not really. We are, however, currently pictured on Livestrong's Grassroots Fundraising page seen here.

What event will you participate or support next year?

OFT: A visit to Texas

2010-11-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Sarah and I visited Texas middle of last month as a "One Fun Thing." I have been too busy to blog, but, here is a brief update to the trip. I think it is pertinent given the first place we visited: Livestrong HQ.

That's the entrance. Here is the Livestrong manifesto:

They also have some art, a lot of yellow jerseys, and Lance's Bronze Medal from the Olympics.

Here is what a conference room would look like:

Livestrong HQ in Austin was really neat to see. What was amazing is all the great work they are doing there. We spent a bit of time in their new patient care area which will serve the underserved population in Austin. They'll provide a variety of resources covering medical, psychosocial, and economic.

You can read more, and see better pictures of this here. They give tours to the public at a variety of times, and I'd highly suggest it to anyone who visits the Austin area. Sarah and I were very grateful for a public tour from our workshop leader, Leigh, who is pictured below. We also got to meet and say hello to Colleen, who we've corresponded with about some grassroots things in Colorado. A very special thank you to both of them!

Also during our trip to Austin, we got to visit Mellow Johnny's Bicycle Shop, which is owned by Lance Armstrong. Say what you will about Lance, but after seeing his bike shop and his charity HQ, he can pick out a great location, a great building, and some great decor.

In terms of bicycle selection, Mellow Johnnys was like most other big bike shops.

The exterior was pretty understated from all entrances. They obviously had a lot of bikes, but the real draw were the bikes you couldn't purchase.

Lance's bikes from the 2010 Tour. The TT bike was probably my favorite bike in the entire store. Sarah and I rented some bikes from them (Treks, of course) for a fun ride during our stay.

Lance had a few more bikes and some jerseys around. A few were from other famous cyclists.

Team Radio Shack had a small section of the store (see in above picture, lower left), plus a vehicle there.

Where they really make their killing is in Mellow Johnny's merchandise. They had a lot of cool things, though. It was definitely a neat place to see, and I'd recommend it as well!

The last of the three big highlights to the trip (it was all highlights!), was getting to hang out, get a ride in, and do dinner with some friends, including a Team SBP member!

Green Bay Packers Postscript

2010-10-22T23:24:00.000-06:00

Last week, I blogged about my trip to see the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field. It was something I decided I wanted to do early on in my diagnosis if I got better.

I now have a follow-up to this story.

We left for Wisconsin on a Thursday, and Sarah and I drove out from Colorado. During the short week before we left, Sarah had sent a letter to the Green Bay Packers front office telling them about this trip, and how out of London, Paris, Hawaii, or a cruise, I wanted to go to Green Bay, Wisconsin. This letter was completely unbeknownst to me. I first learned of this when we were actually on the road. To this day, I still have not seen a copy of it, but the gist was that the trip meant a lot, I was really excited, and my favorite players were Donald Driver, Aaron Rodgers, and Clay Matthews, and maybe could we get a "hello" message on the jumbotron scoreboard. She left her cell phone number with the Packers.

Sarah told me about this letter somewhere in Nebraska. I was mildly surprised, although I told her to expect nothing. Especially three days out from the game.

The trip came and went and was a great time! I didn't give another thought to her letter.

A week later, the Green Bay Packers community outreach called Sarah on the phone! There was nothing they could have done, and they don't do scoreboard messages, but they were very touched by her letter, pleased with what I wanted to do with my trip, and they were all thinking about us. Oh, and to keep an eye on the mail as they sent a package.

Sarah told me about this and I was very interested. What could the Packers be sending?

I could spot the packing tape on the box as it sat on my porch from my car as I came home on Tuesday. The team logo on the packing tape is such a nice touch. Now I was very intrigued. The box was big, but it was light, too. Sarah was still in Texas at a conference. Should I wait for her before opening it?

I consider myself to be very patient, but I'm not that patient. Besides, my name was on the packing label. So, I opened it. The first thing I saw was a card made out to me (pictured three pictures down). It had the Packers logo on the outside, and said that they were thinking about me, signed, Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

The next thing I noticed was a Packers hat. At this point I'm shocked. How much stuff did they put in here? A lot. I also found a travel mug, and an autographed football. The football is really neat, and luckily, many of the players signed their numbers as well, so you can identify the signatures.

The next thing I noticed was a bag from the Packers charities. Inside it were a collection of huge football cards (for lack of better term). You can see them below, I laid out a few favorites, including the players Sarah mentioned in her letter as my favorites. There's also a schedule with Donald Driver on it, a Packers Pen, and a Packers key-chain.

Below that was a mini Packers pennant, and a team photo from last year.

At the very bottom of the box is the glossy Aaron Rodgers photo pictured above. What a great collection of stuff! The cool thing is, I'm pretty sure all of it is special and unique to their community outreach program. For example, if you go to the Packer Pro Shop, and you look at their autographed footballs for sale, their stock photo shows a football from 2008, the same year my football is from, but they are not the same item. Likewise with the hat, the mug, and the pen: they are similar to items you can purchase, but not identical, which I think is really neat.

Moreover, I think it speaks to the generosity of the organization. In my opinion, it was unbelievably classy that they sent us all this stuff. I'm surprised they have it on hand to send, but they clearly take community outreach seriously, and probably are involved in a big enough variety of things to necessitate having so much on hand. (Those curious can see some of the things the Packers are involved in here, and maybe background on the football here). I don't know what Sarah said that was so convincing, but wow! Obviously it meant a lot to me, and was a pretty special cap on a very special trip. I'll have to send them a nice thank you card, and I'll probably include a picture of Sarah and I from the game, probably this one, with Sarah in her Aaron Rodgers shirt, and me in my Donald Driver shirt, our favorite players. Hopefully the Packers can get past some injuries and pick up a few wins in the coming weeks!

Oncology Follow-up #1: 3 months out

2010-10-22T22:27:00.000-06:00

Actually more like four months, since I didn't do radiation. As you can imagine, and as I have noted previously, I wasn't really looking forward to today. On several occasions I had serious thoughts about canceling. I didn't.

I mentioned earlier that I felt great for months after finishing chemotherapy. I was bursting with energy and requiring very little sleep. About a month ago, however, I started having fevers, chills, body aches, some lethargy, and even night sweats. I was convinced I had relapsed. Of course it would be really soon (and really bad, from a prognosis standpoint) if that were true, but you simply can't help but think that. I even had my own little mini-breakdown moment one day before work when I had convinced myself of all this.

On Monday I had my bloodwork done and got my chest x-ray. The bloodwork is basically done in a few hours as it is just a BMP, LDH, and CBC with differential. By Wednesday, the results still were not released to me, and I remember confiding in a close friend that it had me in a bit of a panic. Your mind races. Is the doctor just busy or does she not want me to see it? Logic assumes the former, emotion assumes the latter. Although I try to live my life letting logic rule my mind, cancer really rachets up the emotion.

As it turns out, the labs eventually were released later Wednesday night and were perfectly normal. Nothing even close to unusual. I was relieved. I found out Thursday that my chest x-ray was normal as well. In other words, I'm still clean. This didn't explain my symptoms.

When we discussed that, she noted that it is possible that I overdid things early in summer. Likewise, it was a little unfair to assume I'd feel "normal" immediately and forever, and most folks take at least a year to normalize, physically. Additionally, most males become frustrated by this. (Why wouldn't females be frustrated? I have no idea).

She looked at my nail beds and determined my body was still getting rid of chemo. From a pharmacokinetic standpoint, this doesn't make sense, but I can assume the point to get at is that my body is still recovering from the effects. My (possibly incorrect) rationalization is that chemotherapy immediately affects the cells in your body that turn over the fastest: cancer, of course, but also hair, skin, your GI tract, etc. Perhaps the effect to the rest of the body is much slower, and therefore much slower to recover. I'll go with that theory for now, hopefully someone can correct or validate it.

Beyond that we talked a little bit about survivorship issues and life outlook. She was happy to order a PET scan for me to ease my mind on my subjective symptoms, but I simply refuse to give in to that. Logically, the objective findings are what they are, and I do not want subjectives to trump that.

In the meantime, I get another four months until I get to do this roller coaster all over again. If symptoms change, I'm obviously supposed to call.

"What is the one thing you want to do when you get better?"

2010-10-18T23:22:00.000-06:00

This was a question I was asked many times. Most of those were from Sarah. I think she was anticipating a trip to Europe or Hawaii or somewhere like that, but the first time I answered it, I could see in her face she was quite surprised.

"I want to go to a Packer game at Lambeau."

We can do that, but don't you want to go to Europe or Hawaii or somewhere?

"I want to go to a Packer game at Lambeau. I want to see a win, too."

So, that's what we did. We looked at the schedule and picked an early October game against the lowly Detroit Lions which we thought would fit the bill. Sarah and I drove up and met my parents, her parents, and our good friends Dave and Marv for a Packer game. Prior to the game, we went to the Packer Fan Tours tailgate party at Brett Favre's Steakhouse. Actually, the BF steakhouse parking lot. It was great.

Who wants a 9am beer?

Blood Marys were also available for the health-conscious. They also had one of the "premier" DJs of the area. I guess.

GREENMAN!!!!

Maybe we'll take a few for the road.

Going to Lambeau is like no other sporting event that I know of. I am sure I could not accurately or adequately describe it.

Within minutes of sitting down and watching the coin toss,

Aaron Rodgers flipped a pass to Donald Driver for a touchdown and Lambeau leap. This exact sequence is what I had wanted to see for months.

Just like that the Packers took the lead. Donald Driver, Greg Jennings, and Jermichael Finley all caught passes for touchdowns and all took Lambeau leaps. Especially nice was that all three are on my fantasy football team, and Aaron Rodgers is on Dave's. (Marv remains ahead of both of us). The game wasn't the blowout I had expected or hoped for, though. The Lions fought making it more exciting than it had to be.

Charles Woodson came through with a clutch interception and ran it back to help out, though. Here he is diving into the endzone.

Here is a neat shot of the line blocking for Kuhn on the final drive to put the game away.

It ended up being a terrific game, and I had a blast. The packers have since fallen apart somewhat, but that does not take away what a great trip we had.

Just a few more pictures, the day before the game, we visited the Packers Hall of Fame and ate at Curly's. Some old uniforms, important game balls, Donald Driver's uniform from a record setting catch, a picture of us, and one of the Lombardi trophies, as well as some championship rings.

A huge Thank You to Marv, Dave, Sarah, and out parents for all coming to make this such a special day for me.

Livestrong Day update

2010-10-18T22:20:00.000-06:00

Haven't posted in a while, but I've been pretty busy. A few fun posts coming up. I am several fun things behind.

Today is the update on what Sarah and I did for Livestrong Day. As noted, we were going to run where we did in college. So, a few weekends back we did stop to visit the campus, which is near the capitol building.

We also walked around to see a few familiar spots on campus. Hello, Bucky!

If any of you get a chance, do ask Sarah what happens in this building:

This one is easy to figure out:

Bascom:

Weird being back. So much had changed. Some things hadn't.

Obviously, we had a beer at the union.

Our run was going to go down lakeshore path to picnic point starting from the union.
Lakeshore path:

Picnic point (in the distance, as viewed from up by Elizabeth Waters Hall):

Let's stop and back up 12 years, shall we? Our first date: Sarah and I were sitting in biostatistics class. This class wasn't so much learning as social / study hall. She asked what I was doing that afternoon. Same as always, running at the SERF. She asked why I didn't come down and run lakeshore path by her. The reason is because it was farther, and the SERF is climate controlled with a nice soft track. (Not to mention a view of 100 girls doing aerobics and loud music). Sarah convinced me we'd run lakeshore. So, I pick her up and we walk down to the path to run. Two blocks later, she is tired of running. Just like that, my workout was over, and I knew I'd be going to the SERF anyway. However, we did arrange to go see a movie later. Isn't that sweet?

This time, the tables were turned. She left me in her dust and I was sucking wind hard. She beat me to both picnic point, and then back to the union on Livestrong Day. Uncool. She even got there fast enough to get a picture of me in pain.

"Oh yay! Happy Livestrong day!"
But, the views were as nice as we remembered.

I don't even know how far this run is, so, I had to check it on mapmyrun.com. (Turns out it is about 5.2 or 5.3 miles round trip. Obviously, we stopped halfway for pictures). As noted, she beat me back as well. That was a little bit of a new experience for me, but I was very proud of how well she ran.

She seemed very happy with herself afterwards and said how great it all felt and how she was very proud to be in much better shape now than college.

Strong work, Sarah.

Also during our time in Madison, we had the opportunity to have dinner with some good friends of ours, as well as their three kids, two of which are infant twins. I even got to hold both. All of this at the Nitty Gritty, which was always my favorite bar/restaurant in college.

So, it was pretty fun to visit Madison again. Definitely one of many fun things during that trip.

Livestrong Day, 2010 (10 / 2 / 2010)

2010-10-01T06:55:00.000-06:00

Q: What is LIVESTRONG Day?

A: LIVESTRONG Day is the LIVESTRONG’s day of action to bring awareness to the global cancer crisis. LIVESTRONG Day is October 2, and this year more than 1500 local events will take place around the world to raise awareness for the fight against cancer.

"October 2, 1996. The day it all changed. The day I stated never to take anything for granted. The day I learned to take charge of my life. It was the day I was diagnosed with cancer." -Lance Armstrong

I don't really feel the same way about my diagnosis day. It certainly wasn't a "take charge attitude" sort of day. Maybe quiet acceptance in my case. Having said that, it seems appropriate enough to designate a day to raise awareness. Granted, the "cancer community" has a lot of these types of days, but, let's be honest: we need them all. I likely won't do much to mark my own diagnosis day, but I do have big plans for my remission day, and probably my last chemo day.

Due to extremely important travel planned months ago, Sarah and I are unable to attend a great local Livestrong event here in Denver. Our local group is putting on the 4th Annual Survivor Celebration & Glow Stick Vigil. For those of you in Colorado, I highly recommend it. More on this great event can be seen right now on the Livestrong Blog!

For those of you who aren't in Denver on 10/2 - there are other events you can do near by. Minimally, you can wear yellow. (Any yellow anything will do, but if you'd really like to get fancy, you can purchase some here or here or here or here or here. If you need a yellow bracelet - let us know.) Otherwise, do something to enjoy your life. Sarah and I are going to spend some time with our family, but in the morning, we're going to go for a little run near the lake at our old school. It is completely informal, but I'm going to wear a bunch of yellow, and I'm going to enjoy doing something that for months I couldn't.

This is my life now

2010-09-28T22:23:00.000-06:00

A complaint of a blog post! Well, not really so much a complaint as a negative observation. Believe me, I am happy to deal with this as opposed to the alternative.

Deal with what? Last week I had chills quite a few times. This week it hasn't happened, although we are having record high temps in the Denver area recently, with temps in the high 80s and more. The chills also came with some fatigue. I wasn't sleepy, I just wasn't bursting with energy as I have been for a few months.

These were two of my biggest presenting symptoms.

As you can imagine, I wasn't thrilled. In fact, one morning I almost cracked with worry over it. I got dressed for work, but kept thinking about it all morning and finally sat down on the bed and had myself a little moment. This is my life now. I've heard to expect this from numerous survivors. One of the local Livestrong guys compared it to a Great White song - "Once bitten, twice shy." He noted that 4 years later he still freaks out over every cough. So, every time I get a cold, or my allergy symptoms flare up, or I get a sinus infection, I'll probably worry, for good and for bad.

In the meantime, I've scheduled my first follow-up oncology appointment for next month. I have orders for my chest x-ray (again), and some labs. I haven't done either yet. I'll probably wait as long as possible to do them. I'm not looking forward to the appointment, and I want to enjoy myself as much as possible until then. Chances are that everything will be just fine and I feel pretty confident that this will be the case. Still, I see no sense in worrying needlessly until then, so, I try not to think about it. As you can imagine, that is nearly impossible. I'll stress yet again, it beats the alternative.

2010 St. Jude Campaign

2010-09-26T21:23:00.001-06:00

Today is another "stolen" or plagiarized blog - this one from a buddy of mine. I suspect he won't mind. Tomorrow, Monday September 27, is a big day at Chili's.

It’s time to grab the crayons and express yourself while supporting the fight against childhood cancer and other catastrophic diseases.

The seventh annual Create-A-Pepper to Fight Childhood Cancer campaign begins this week at more than 1,500 Chili's® Grill & Bar locations across the country and in Puerto Rico. During the month-long campaign, which coincides with National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, guests at Chili's locations can contribute to the lifesaving work of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in a variety of ways:

* Make a donation to St. Jude and receive a Create-A-Pepper chili pepper coloring sheet. The decorated sheets are displayed in participating restaurants throughout September.

* Use a mobile phone to text HOPE to 90999 to make a $5 donation (Visit www.createapepper.com for more details)

* Purchase a Create-A-Pepper customizable T-shirt or key.

* Buy a packet of Create-A-Pepper wrist bands. The flexible rubber bracelets are in the shape of a chili pepper.

* Dine at Chili's on The Big Day - Monday, September 27. On that day, Chili’s will donate all profits from participating restaurant sales to St. Jude.

* Go to www.createapepper.com to make an online donation or to create a pepper to post to your Facebook wall to show your support for St. Jude.

* Become a fan and donate on Facebook through the specialized Create-A-Pepper tab on Chili's Facebook page or create your own e-card at www.createapepper.com to e-mail friends and family.

"Each year since the 2003 inception of the Create-A-Pepper campaign, Chili's team members search for new ways to raise awareness and funds for St. Jude," said Wyman Roberts, president of Chili's Grill & Bar. "This year, with the addition of digital donation components, we've found yet another unique and interactive way to give back to St. Jude."

"Chili's Create-A-Pepper campaign has raised millions of dollars for childhood cancer research, and we are so thankful to have such generous and passionate partners in our mission," said Richard C. Shadyac Jr., chief executive officer of ALSAC, the fundraising organization of St. Jude. "We are grateful for the amazing support from Chili's guests. Their contributions help St. Jude provide care and find cures for our patients and their families."

Chili's has been a national corporate partner with St. Jude since 2004. Chili's has committed to raise $50 million in 10 years to help fund construction of the Chili's Care Center at St. Jude. This seven-floor, 340,000-square foot facility, which opened in November 2007, combines 21st century imaging and treatment technology with St. Jude's proven approach to medical research of putting patients and scientists in the same building to fast-track the translation of new knowledge into better care for children around the world.

To date, Chili's has raised more than $30 million. Once completed, the donation will be the largest donation from a single partner campaign in St. Jude history.

So show your support for St. Jude by creating your pepper today and help children in the fight against cancer.

For those not familiar with St. Jude or the wonderful work they do, click here. Link for Chili's is found here.

Tomorrow is also Packers / Bears on Monday Night Football. So, do as Sarah and I plan: Chilis's and football to fight cancer. Color a pepper: maybe Green and Gold for the Packers.

It's not hard to help. I think I'll fight cancer tomorrow with a quesadilla explosion salad.

One Frustrating Thing: iPhone 4

2010-09-20T23:15:00.000-06:00

Last weekend Sarah and I decided to upgrade her telephone. She had wanted an iPhone for a while, and we decided to go get one.

I had to talk her into it, though, since she almost didn't want to bother. Mistake #1.

She basically wanted one like my own, but mine is old. We thought we could get a 3Gs for $100, and that was the goal. (Attention Technophiles: Neither of us use this for more than random surfing and email checking with the occasional iPod duty. We don't need the fastest stuff). So, we got to the Apple Store at Flatirons mall with that goal. We soon found out that they didn't have any 3Gs. We hoped to order one, but found out at the store that all orders refer you back to the store.

OK, iPhone 4 it would be. Mistake #2.

We purchased the iPhone 4 from a sales guy who had just moved out from Milwaukee. Perfect right? Well, no. Since we were discussing the Brewers and the Packers, we did not discuss phone specs.

It was when we got home and plugged it into Sarah's iMac that we realized it wouldn't work. We needed OS X version 10.5. We have 10.4. Never fear, though, I just happened to have a copy of 10.5 SERVER edition laying around, unopened.

So, I installed 10.5 SERVER. Mistake #3.

Those of you slicker JVL readers may know that when you install the server software, it completely erases your hard drive. The feeling I had went past panic. Oops. Wow. This was big. Luckily, I backed up the computer before doing this. I should have known a huge fail was impending when I couldn't easily figure out how to configure the server edition. Meanwhile, Sarah was sitting upstairs, watching TV with the dogs having no idea the destruction I just unleashed on her computer.

I slowly walked up to tell her, and she took the news great. She knew we had backed up all the pics, but over time, she asked if we lost ____ and ____ and ____. With "blank space" being any number of different things. Yeah, we did.

And so, I spent the rest of last Sunday evening re-installing OS X 10.4. Then I was restoring from backups. This actually took me most of last week. I'd say on Sunday and Monday night, I probably got about 2-3 hours of sleep. (This actually isn't as bad as it sounds. Since finishing treatment, I don't sleep much. I sleep very well, but I'm still very much fueled by the excitement of beating cancer so far, and I'm fueled by an unbelievable amount of FRS.) Mostly the latter those days last week.

The worst was losing emails with flight, hotel, rental car confirmations, but eventually those came back. In the end, only a minimal amount of stuff was lost. Relief!

I made a special trip to purchase yet another external hard drive and a REGULAR, non-server edition of OS X 10.6. Yep, we skipped right past 10.5. Aren't we trendy? Well, obviously not.

In the end, though, her phone works, and was hopefully worth all the headache. We have all her pictures, contacts, bookmarks, and songs on it. She even has a few apps to play with. There is probably a lesson in all this, but I feel too ignorant to know what it may be.

I sure hope she enjoys that phone.

World Lymphoma Awareness Day

2010-09-15T10:19:00.000-06:00

Today. September 15th, although the message isn't so much day dependent, which allowed me to pre-write this post and hit "send" today in seconds even from a phone. Isn't technology great? (Sometimes).

Yep, I shamelessly stole that little graphic from the Lymphoma Coalition. I don't think they'll mind, given their stated goal. Their website is here:
http://www.lymphomacoalition.org/

And a direct link to "know your nodes" is here: http://www.knowyournodes.org/ Go ahead, take the quiz, click around a bit and learn. Don't do this for me, do this for you. Yep, this is a continuation of another post which I stole from my buddy George.

Caveat: I don't know the lymphoma coalition. I'd never seen this website before hearing about this second hand from another cancer organization (Seattle CCA). But, I did take the quiz and click around some. You will learn something. Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is a member of the coalition, however, and I do have "warm fuzzies" for them.

I've actually spent more time reading about cancer now than early on in my treatment. Early on when I was so sick, I leaned on Sarah to do my research for me. (Thanks, Sarah!) Now I cannot get enough info. One of the things I've learned about Hodgkin's, but other lymphomas as well, is that diagnosis definitely takes time and usually patients go through a couple of other working diagnoses before arriving at lymphoma. I know this was the case in my little circle of "lymphoma friends." I was feeling sick by earlier than mid-September last year, but not diagnosed until January. So, do yourself a favor when you get a chance. If not 9/15 on "WLAD," then sooner rather than later.

Brunner One Fun Thing: Greatest Anti-cancer / Get well / Stay well gift ever.

2010-09-05T22:11:00.002-06:00

I've gotten a handful of gifts in my life that really stick out. One was an Optimus Prime Transformer, obviously when I was a kid. Another was the original NES, also as a kid. When I was in college, my wife (then girlfriend) got me a custom Wisconsin hockey jersey, customized with my last name and the year of our (anticipated) graduation as the number, sewn on in the authentic letters/numbers. To this day I have no idea where she found that, as I'd looked high and low.

This gift completely blows all those away as the coolest, and most meaningful thing I've ever gotten. As I mentioned previously, Team Snorting Bull made me a bike. I don't mean picked one out, I mean made.

If you hang with this crowd, you might get talked into some serious things. Maybe it is flying completely across the country to participate in a ride that climbs 15,000 feet. Maybe it is drinking a gallon of milk in an hour or making pants. Or eating nuclear chicken wings. Maybe it is riding a cross bike in a mountain bike race. Or riding the cross bike 100 miles with 13,000 of your closest Texan friends. Easily the greatest of these, though, is talking one member into actually creating custom steel bicycle frames.

This project had apparently started in planning sometime shortly after my diagnosis. Erik was already starting to get into creating frames by then, and had obtained a program which took various measurements and gave bike dimensions. So, he had all of us enter our measurements. Of course I participated. The program was cool enough that it spit out a picture of the bike for you, and you could create custom colors and graphics. Here is a computer graphic of Josh's bike, version 1:

Please click on the picture to enlarge and read the downtube. At this point, I hadn't yet made my Joshpants, and so I got a pretty good amount of "push" to get this done. Here I had been spouting off that I could make pants for 3 years, and in months, Erik was already making bikes. Good thing I finally got those done.

In the meantime, he was taking measurements for the entire team as well as our significant others. I was excited to someday get myself a Brunner bike. Someday being in a year or two, so you can imagine my surprise. You can't you say? Well, here is a picture.

Wait? You guys made me this bike? What? I just....what?

The whole thing truly did not compute for many minutes. How could this possibly happen without me knowing? Even my wife was in on it and she was very afraid she gave away their secret. She thought she gave it all away when she sent Erik an email using my email account on accident once. Since I send these guys multiple emails, there is NO way I'd notice that in my out basket, which I never look at anyway, since I tend to know what emails I sent. Of course it never seemed weird if she'd email him (or any of these guys), because as I previously noted, they were all extremely supportive and helpful to both of us during my whole treatment ordeal. To this end, I've exchanged emails with Erik's wife Mary myself, and so none of this would ever flag on my radar. I'm actually more impressed that the guys could keep all this a secret.

And wow, as you can see, this bicycle is gorgeous. That had shocked me just as much. I'd seen Erik's bike that he made himself, and I was very impressed with it, but the fact he made two during his build just surprised me all the way around. I got to see his bike come together little by little, and it was very interesting to watch. I was always eager for updates on what he was doing, so this took me by complete surprise.

When I say it didn't compute in my head, I'm not kidding. Even today I'm finding little details of what made all this happen, and it is honestly very touching. I'm still surprised.

The attention to detail was extremely thoughtful. There is not an inch of this bicycle that wasn't planned out and, I'm told, debated about extensively. This includes color, style, components, everything. The whole team helped, and apparently Sarah did as well. During the build, it was actually shipped around the country so that they could all sign the frame. Wow. For example, here is Sarah's signature right next to the very appropriate model name.

As close followers of Josh vs. Lymphoma know, I have a policy not to name others in the blog out of respect for privacy. However, I told these guys I was making an exception, and I have all of their expressed, written consent in the form of signatures on the bicycle.

As pictured above and here, the bike is outfit with Maxxis Raze tires for cyclocross. So, the question I was asked was is it a roadbike or is it a cross bike? Here's what the designer had to say:

It's a road bike optimized for JB/fatties not a cross bike.

And there you have it. Here is a great shot by the garage door, since that is how bikes must be photographed by general internet protocol.

For reference, a comparison shot of the pinarellol on which the measurements were based.

Highlights of the build:

Custom steel lugged frame, handmade in Alaska (and MI, apparently)

Ultegra 50/34 crank

Ultegra brifters

XT rear derailleur

DT Swiss hubs / Velocity rims (rated for gigantor)

Ritchey stem/seatpost

Regale saddle

Maxxis Raze cross tires & Jack Brown blue tires

Garmin 705 Edge

Crank Brother Candy pedals

and a Custom handmade Moosey headbadge

I'm told the group called in some serious favors to get some of these things. And so as of right now, the Pinarellol is relaxing in the basement, likely to get most of the rest of riding season off.

How does it ride?

Very smoothly. I got to take it for a quick spin on Thursday night in Wichita Falls that did NOT do it justice. So, yesterday I took it out in "cross mode." Basically did some gravel trails near home.

In terms of sizing, fit, comfort, really everything - they nailed it. I know Erik is looking for feedback as he continues to build, but I have absolutely no constructive criticism! Not one thing, and this isn't just out of appreciation or whatever. When I was looking to purchase the pinarellol, I was steered away from titanium with the reason being that it would be too "noodley" at my size. That is absolutely not the case with this steel frame. It is sized perfectly to me. I could not have picked out any part better, and truthfully, I'm really thankful they designed the whole thing, because with my color-blindness and complete lack of style, any input I would've had could only have subtracted from it.

Today, I put on the Jack Brown tires and gave it a real road test, climbing lookout mountain, through the country club, on up to Genesee park, before shooting down to Morrison, up through Red Rocks, and over Dino Ridge before heading home. This was about 40 miles and 4,000 feet of climbing. I got it up to ~45 mph, and can say it is at least as stable as the pinarellol. The bike handles better than I do, and the JBs are a pleasure to ride on rough roads. Sarah came along for the whole ride despite having a migraine headache, and I'm so proud of how she did. It was a great ride and the feedback I have is that these guys nailed it.

How in the world do you appropriately thank someone(s) for doing something like this? There is simply no way I can. I'm so blown away by the whole thing, I really don't know what to say. Obviously, I expressed my sincere gratitude to all of them, but there is simply no way to appropriately thank them. In the meantime, though, Brunner Bikes gets nothing but a top notch recommendation from me.

Hotter'N Hell 100

2010-09-04T17:06:00.001-06:00

Team Snorting Bull Photography streaked across the Texas landscape in a big blue and white blur reminiscent of the heyday of the US Postal Service Team. It was a sight impressive enough to move thousands of other cyclists to their right. Nobody that wasn't wearing the Bull on their shirt wanted a piece of the "Pain Train." Well, that was true for a few miles of the ride, anyway. Let me back up.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, the obvious concern is life and death. Once past that, you move into what the next year is going to look like. When my schedule of chemo and radiation were laid out for me, it initially looked as though radiation was going to interfere with this event. Let me back up even further.

Team Snorting Bull is basically a group of friends from all over the United States with a common interest in cycling and a much more loose interest in jeep vehicles. The Hotter'N Hell 100 is like our Super Bowl event. This century event is somewhat conveniently located in the middle of the United States, making it feasible for us to come from Texas, Colorado, California, North Carolina, New Mexico, and even Alaska, and it has become a tradition for us.

In the meantime, this group of folks has served as a tremendous source of support for me while going through the roller coaster that is Hodgkin's. As perverted as it sounds, one of my first thoughts in my very first oncology office visit was, "Oh (swear word), now I can't race in Texas with the guys." Not kidding. I remember emailing them that night after my bone marrow biopsy stating I was out. That was it. Not only was I out, but I was especially out on the Triple Threat. The Triple Threat combines a mountain bike race and half marathon trail run with the 100 mile ride, to win the greatest award in sport: the coveted triple threat log. Last year, a handful of us thought it would be a great idea to go for all three.

This team is smarter than I am: They didn't buy that I was out. They accepted things, but held out judgment in the hopes that it could come together anyway. It did, and they were right. I'm still a little shocked that this came together, but thankful doesn't describe the appreciation I have that it did.

As you can imagine, a weekend like this produces far more stories than can be shared on a blog. Even more, many of the stories are sort of insider. It is worth mentioning the weekend's triumphs however.

Thursday night, the team gave me a bike that they made for me. Expect this to be the next blog post, update: found here.

Friday night was our mountain bike race. I did it on the HiFi. Three friends did it on Cyclocross bikes in an attempt to prove a :onebike: theory, and as part of the triple threat. Unfortunately, some dude took out Charles in a crash a quarter mile in. Crashed out, he went back. The two others did complete this mountain bike course on cross bikes. This video and this website and yet another website do a decent job of giving you a picture of the trail. Here are three teammates at the starting line.

And here three of us are coming up on the finish line.

All I'll say about this was that other than losing a teammate, it was a fun ride, although we certainly didn't have the best times on the course. Not even close, in fact. Saturday was the actual HHH. What does 13,000 riders look like?

It looks like a never-ending rainbow, to be honest. It took 44 minutes to clear the start line. In this picture you can actually spot Team Snorting Bull. I'm fairly obvious due to the long sleeves I'm wearing for sun protection. By this point pictured, two of the three triple threat challengers were eliminated, this one due to a timing technicality. We had but one hope left.

Our team goal is typically 4 hours and 44 minutes. It seemed unlikely this year due to the Friday night injury, lack of training due to lymphoma, and some fairly bad luck. By mile 8 we had two flats already. In that time we got to watch many of those 13,000 folks pass us. How do you recover from something like this? By passing one rider at a time. Sadly, we got to pass many of them several times. We got caught behind an accident, and 4 of us had to actually walk about a quarter of a mile. We then got caught behind a train, and had to sit a few minutes. Later, we were much slower at our planned rest station stop (mile 50).

Hell's Gate closes at 12:30. If you don't make the gate, you ride 85 miles. Typically we fly past that with several hours of padding. This year, we cut it a little closer, but had plenty of time.

The temperature was well into the 90s at Hell's Gate. Believe it or not, that's lucky for Wichita Falls, TX and this event. If you've never ridden a century in long sleeves, well, consider yourself lucky. (Truthfully, it wasn't that bad).

It was around this time that we recalled the "outlaw" mile 95 rest stop. This one is at a bar offering free beer for riders. We never stop in an attempt to reach our goal and an attempt to keep our sports nutrition down. By now we were so far off our goal due to everything that had happened, it seemed logical to stop. With any luck, we'll never be on such a slow overall pace again.

This is one of my favorite pictures from the weekend. Team Red Cup! I have no idea what they were serving, but cold beer never went down so fast. I really should have had them fill my bottle so I could nurse another one the last 5 miles.

In the end, I was proud to have finished this ride with such minimal training. I was fueled by some FRS, and some Larabars and Honey Stingers but mostly I was fueled by the excitement that only a cancer survivor who just finished chemo can understand.

That evening was our traditional fajita dinner graciously provided by Greg and his crew from Texas. Delicious as always, and I look forward to it all year.

Sunday morning was the trail run. Our last hope was exhausted and sore, but determined. Actually, I'm not even sure if determined is a strong enough word to describe Erik's efforts. The evening before, a few of the Texas crew who didn't know him as well had doubts, but Charles, Jon, Greg, and myself knew there was nothing that was going to separate Erik from his trophy. And he was successful. This is what a log winner looks like.

I could not have been more pleased with his success. He came down from Alaska, rode two events on a bike he built himself, and finished the half marathon to win the log. The card he is holding is a free entry for two events next year, since his story is so remarkable. In the meantime, Team Snorting Bull is working on getting the Wichita Falls newspaper to take a human-interest submission on this.

Despite all the bad luck, I consider the weekend a success. Charles was injured worse than he thought, but he managed to squeeze out 100 miles with a few fractures, like our own version of Jens. Erik got his log. Greg and Erik proved the :onebike: theory. Somehow, I found 100 miles within me, and finished as well. Most of all, we got to hang out together and enjoy.

Anyone interested in drinking wine and fighting cancer?

2010-08-23T23:16:00.000-06:00

If so, and you're in Denver, you may like the Taste of Victory II. This is a Livestrong Colorado event coming up on September 11th. $25 will get you 4 tastes (or one glass of wine), and you'll be supporting the mission of Livestrong.

The event will take place at the Bonacquisti Winery in Denver. As a disclaimer, neither Sarah nor I have ever been there, but we've already purchased our tickets. You can get yours here.

Leadville Trail 100

2010-08-18T23:03:00.001-06:00

This past weekend Sarah and I went up to watch the Leadville Trail 100 as "One Fun Thing." This was a race I'd been wanting to watch for a while, but Leadville isn't the easy place to shoot up to for a day.

For those interested, they made a movie about last year's race, which Lance Armstrong won, called Race Across the Sky. The movie is worth watching. This year, Lance Armstrong bailed out of the event roughly a week before. We wanted to go anyway.

This race was going to be (Radio Shack professional) Levi Leipheimer's first mountain bike race. Ever.

Staging starts VERY early.

The race allows for roughly 1500 riders, and it is quite difficult to get picked to race through their lottery system, unless of course, you are a Tour de France rider, in which case you can roll up at the last minute.

At this point of the morning, it is quite cold in Leadville, which sits at an elevation of about 10,200. Here we are all bundled up.

The race has a "shotgun" start (literally), but it is also a neutralized start through town. In this picture, you can see race director Ken Chlouber, with gun, hugging Colorado favorite and six-time LT100 winner Dave Wiens. (Dave Weins was who rode with Lance at the Ride 4 Yellow event 2 weekends back). Next to them is Leipheimer.

With a blast from the shotgun, the race was on. For some, the race would take 12 or more hours. For the best riders, it takes just under 7 hours.

Why did Sarah and I have so much yellow and black on? A few days prior to the race we got an email and I saw a tweet that Livestrong needed volunteers. Since we were going to be up there anyway, we were excited to volunteer.

Livestrong had two booths, one up near the race's Start/Finish, and one at the Rocky Mountain Bike Festival, 5 blocks into the course. Basically, volunteers were their to share their stories, solicit donations for bands, and in general raise awareness for what the organization can do for cancer survivors as well as their loved ones.

In general, the people were very supportive and obviously, many who visited the booths had a connection to cancer. Many already wore the bands. Some had done Livestrong events. A few had no idea, but in general, if you are hanging around the bicycle community in some way (such as at an event such as the LT100), you know about Livestrong.

What was neat is that many of the volunteers were the same folks Sarah and I met at the Livestrong workshop 3 weekends ago. It was great to see them again, and there is some real energy to continue volunteering and raising money within the Colorado group.

Sarah and I ducked out about 6 hours after the race began to wander the 50 yards back over to the start/finish. We wanted to see who would win the race. As it turned out, Levi Leipheimer had no trouble making the adjustment from the road bike to his new custom Trek mountain bike. Levi crushed the field, and smashed Lance Armstrong's year old course record by 12 minutes, finishing in 6 hours, 16 minutes, and obviously setting a new record. We were there with the camera.

The Livestrong crowd was pleased to see Leipheimer sporting the infamous "28" jerseys. Additionally, he was a class act by hanging out signing autographs for the fans and posing for pictures. While we didn't get over in time for either of those, I did get a shot of his bike.

I really like his bike, but I prefer mountain bikes with larger wheels. Incidentally, I picked up a great shirt at said bike fest that day to this point.

It was a great day and Livestrong raised some money. I'm told what we raised was approximately one quarter of what was raised last year, but that was when Lance Armstrong himself was racing, and the crowds were much bigger. Every little bit counts and helps, though.

The next day, Sarah and I decided to do a little mountain biking of our own, since we had the hotel all day. Basically, we slept in, relaxed, rode, and then came home in the afternoon. Pretty good weekend.

Is this the end?

2010-08-15T22:48:00.000-06:00

This seems like an appropriate time to end the blog. The story was cancer, and it is a story that has hopefully ended, right?

I spent nearly all of the fall of 2009 sick. In January, 2010 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I started a blog for the purposes of communication and journaling. I went though 6 cycles (12 doses) of chemotherapy. I read the Livestrong guidebooks. I read many pamphlets from the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. I made Sarah read actual journal articles. I shaved my head. I gained 30 pounds. It wasn't muscle. I met a lot of new people and heard a lot of stories. I was sick much of the time. I developed some taste aversions. I got a central line. I got a line removed quickly thereafter. I got a port. I started a whole bunch of new ancillary medications. I re-learned how to calculate an ANC. I stopped trading securities and derivatives. I was recommended marijuana, many times, never by my oncologist. Often, I thought that the cure was worse than the disease. I couldn't exercise as I liked. I missed work frequently and regularly. I ordered a bowflex. I adopted "One Fun Thing" and have tried to live by it. I've actually tried to increase upon OFT, and have encouraged others to do the same. I had to give up alcohol and many of my favorite foods. I started wearing a yellow rubber bracelet. I spent many nights sleeping in the basement due to temperature fluctuations, sometimes my own, sometimes the house's, sometimes to give Sarah some peace. I fell in love with ginger ale. I fell far "out of love" with ginger ale. My eyebrows fell out. I met more doctors than I could name. I bought a new mountain bike. I became a stranger to people I'd worked with for years who didn't recognize me. I stopped recognizing myself in the mirror. At times, I've eaten healthier than ever before, but early on, I ate worse than ever before. Sometimes, I didn't eat at all. I got a port removed. I got some new tattoos for radiation, to go with all my other new scars. I bought many new synthetic t-shirts to treat my new tape allergy. I also got a bunch of long sleeve t-shirts to protect from the sun. I watched a lot of TV. There were times I wanted to give up. Six months never felt so long. When the end came, I was nervous that it was over and I wasn't sure what was next.

Last month I was given the news that my body had a "complete response" to the chemotherapy fighting the lymphoma. Remission. Then I found out that radiation might not be the best option for me when the risks and benefits were weighed out. All of this great news was punctuated by a great time in Steamboat Springs with the "Ride 4 Yellow."

Now seems like an appropriate time to end the blog. Guy gets cancer, learns a bunch of things, has some trying moments, laughter, tears, goes into remission. Happily ever after. The end.

Only it isn't the end. I'm not sure where the end is, or even if there is one. Even if you can get far enough out that oncologists will use the word "cure" instead of "complete response"or "remission."

Phone calls, emails, and get-well cards slow down, appropriately. Doctor's visits slow down as well, thankfully. The fight isn't over. I didn't want it, but I also didn't get a choice. People in the world of cancer discuss a "new normal." I'm not even sure I'm there yet. I've also blogged about the "obligation of the cured" a few times now.

And so, "Josh Vs Lymphoma" will continue, although the focus will shift somewhat. I'll still note some fun things, but the frequency may be less. Please check in if you are so inclined to find out the results of my oncology follow-up appointments, or what I'm doing to continue my fight. In the meantime, I hope this has been an enjoyable read.

Ride 4 Yellow, Part 2: Sarah's Story

2010-08-11T22:06:00.001-06:00

This post is another "very special" edition not written by me, but rather by Sarah:

Josh asked me to be a guest 'blogger' since he and I had very different experiences at the Ride 4 Yellow Event in Steamboat Springs this past Sunday. I have pretty big shoes to fill considering Dave's blog on the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society bike ride that was posted earlier this month!

I woke up ~ 4:45 a.m. (which is early for a non-morning person, but even earlier when you have attended a 3 hr wine fest the night before). Josh and I were dressed and packed in about an hour. I even had a chance to down a Soy Joy bar and some water (not in the mood for the Red Bull pick-me-up I purchased the night before).

We arrived at the Meadows parking lot a few minutes later. It was dark and brisk (maybe 50 degrees), but not cold. I think there were 4 buses waiting to take the bikers to the beginning of the ride when we arrived. Around 6:20 Josh hopped on the 3rd bus. Dave Nagel, who organized the event, picked me up ~ 6:30 along with his brother Steve (who drove in from Texas to do the ride). How was I able to ride with the organizer you might ask? I sent him an email a few weeks earlier telling him about Josh and how it would mean a lot to cheer him on at the beginning of the race. Dave replied 1 week later and said he would make special arrangements for this to occur. He also asked me if he could share Josh’s email. So I told Josh what I had done –thankfully he was not upset. Little did I know this email would be printed on every map/program for the event and distributed to hundreds!!!

We arrived at the ride’s start ~ 7. It was cloudy, misty and cold! Thank goodness there was coffee and music. While we waited for the ride to begin Dave introduced to me to lots of people. He definitely has connections. In fact, he told me how he and Linda (Armstrong) started planning this event at the end of the Tour de France back in 2009.

The energy was palpable as riders began to arrive. I saw our friend Scott first. Then, I saw Josh and got very excited. To me this was more than a bike ride. It was about surviving cancer and having my husband/best friend back.

Riders began picking up their bikes and lining up. The ride was to begin ~ 8:15. Before the start of the ride several guest speakers offered words of encouragement, Dave Wiens, Lance Armstrong, and Governor Bill Ritter to name just a few. I had a prime spot to take pictures at the front of the line (much easier to get around w/o a bike).

Unfortunately, I do not remember much of what was said. I know Governor Ritter was funny and Lance was inspirational.

I was just so shaky and emotional because of how far Josh and I had gone to arrive at this very moment! As the speakers finished, I ran back to Josh and our friend Scott to take a few more pictures. They were the leaders in the third group which made it easier for me to shoot away!

After the last wave of riders left I found Dave again (which was easy to do considering how quickly everything cleared out). Dave said he would to take me to the gondolas – this would be our transportation to the top of the mountain/end of the bike ride. However, we needed to make a detour first.

We met up with Dave’s sister-in-law, Lee (a 5 year cancer survivor – her husband Steve, who I met earlier, was riding in her honor), Lance Armstrong’s mom, Linda, Linda’s husband, Ed Kelly, Lance’s girlfriend, Anna, and their little boy, Max (14 mo old).

I have to say Max was just adorable in his little Mellow Johnny’s T-shirt - like father, like son!

After a few more pictures we were off to the gondolas. Even though I’ve lived in CO x 6 years I’ve never been on a gondola. The gondola I rode in fit 6 people so I sat alongside Anna, Max, Linda, Ed and Jim McCreight, one of the event organizers. Majestic views certainly added to the surreal experience.

As we hopped off the gondola (maybe it was about 10 a.m.) Lance was just finishing the ride (under 2 hr). I took pictures of him riding up the hill before he snuck behind a door.

I think Lance was gone for maybe 30 minutes? I wasn’t really keeping track of time. I just pulled out his book, 'It’s not about the bike' in the hopes I would get him to sign it. I started reading this book when Josh was first diagnosed with cancer and then finished it the night before his last chemo treatment. I also kept my camera close by in order to get more pictures (Lance and his entourage move very quickly so I needed to be ready which is not easy to do with a hangover, little sleep and an empty stomach) At last, Lance came out.

As you might imagine people swarmed him for autographs. I was one of them, I guess. I thanked Lance for signing my book and told him ‘good job.’ He said thank you. Looking back I’m not sure why I said good job, but it was all I could get out. I think I meant for everything: his foundation, serving as a symbol of so much hope and inspiration, etc.

As quickly as Lance signed my book he was back on his bike and making his way to the stage. Dave Wiens spoke first, he was followed by a brain cancer survivor (you’re considered a survivor the day you are diagnosed), and last but not least Lance Armstrong spoke again.

This time I was able to hear and process more of what Lance said. He spoke about the ‘obligation of the cured’ (which Josh and I totally get now), having the choice to walk out of the hospital and not have anyone know what happened or having the chance to walk out of the hospital and let everyone know what happened. He obviously chose the latter. He was kind of emotional and said he wasn’t sure why.

He was also pretty funny as he verbally acknowledged every time a rider crossed the finish line. I guess you had to be here for this so I’ll try to explain. Before Lance arrived on stage to address the crowd there was a line of people on either side of the finishing area to clap/cheer for the riders as they finished. However, when Lance started speaking the crowd moved and the riders silently approached the finish line.

Lance realized this and therefore began acknowledging every rider as they crossed the line – which took the finishers by surprise. After a while, Lance was off again so I took a spot by the finish line to wait for Josh and cheer on the riders. Josh and his friend Scott finished ~ 12:45. So it only took them about 4 hours to complete this 26 mile mountain bike ride – not bad at all! After a few pictures we headed up for lunch.

Lunch was a feast of healthy salads, noodle dishes, wraps, etc. We ate our lunches outside overlooking the beautiful scenery. After lunch we headed back in to hear from the top 10 fundraisers (one of which was there for his non-smoking brother who had recently been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer).

After watching the new Livestrong manifesto, Lance’s mom spoke. She talked about Lance’s childhood, how his passion for biking developed, his stage IV cancer diagnosis at age 25, and his fight to get to where he is today. I read about all of this in Lance’s book, ‘It’s not about the bike,’ however, it was different hearing from his mom. Again, a bit emotional for Josh and I. For me it was Lance’s mom, as the caregiver, verbalizing so many of the things I felt/thought about during our recent journey.

The lunch ended with an auction. I told Josh he could bid on something, but he did not. There were lots of great items (a private ride with Dave Wiens, a Radioshack Madone bike built to the winner’s specifications, an autographed Lance Armstrong jersey – he wore this as he crossed the finish at the Tour de France marking his 7th straight victory, and a chance to ride with Lance and others during the Ride for the Roses weekend).

At the end of the auction I of course had to take a few more pictures – a sign that showed Josh was one of the fundraisers who raised more than $1000 and Josh next to his ‘I am a survivor sign.’

We then thanked Dave Nagel for the most incredible day and then we were off. I thought we were all going to take the gondola down, but Scott and Josh wanted to bike down the mountain (guess you can never get in enough biking).

While waiting at the base of the mountain for Josh, I saw Linda Armstrong, and the Nagels (David, Steve and Lee) one last time. Steve said he would like to get Josh’s email address because he would like to meet Josh at the Hotter than Hell 100 ride in August – which would be very cool because Steve and his wife, Lee, are close to Lance’s mom and do lots of fundraising in Texas.

Josh and I eventually made our way back to the Meadows Parking lot where the day began 10 hours earlier. What a wonderfully, exciting, awesome surreal day. Definitely a day to remember. And no doubt that it met Josh’s criteria for ONE FUN THING!

Ride 4 Yellow, Part 1: Josh

2010-08-11T22:01:00.001-06:00

As noted in a previous post, this past weekend I did the "Ride the Divide" course as part of the Ride 4 Yellow event in Steamboat Springs. This was nothing short of an amazing event. I was very excited to be a part of it from when a friend first told me about it. Certainly the fact that Lance Armstrong would be there is a draw, but so is any event associated with Livestrong, even if he doesn't come.

I linked to the course profile in a previous post. "Ride the Divide" is 26 miles with a couple thousand feet of climbing. On a road bike, that's an average after-work ride. On a mountain bike, riding a technical trail, somewhere above 9,000 feet, that's not so easy anymore. This ride had some of the most amazing views I've ever seen.

The event actually started August 7th with packet pick-up. This ride had easily the best packet I've ever gotten. The T-shirt is awesome (it is a "tech-t-shirt" with the ride logo).

While waiting in line, a volunteer came by with more goodies, the coolest of which were yellow hats from previous TdF's which Lance had won. There were several types available, but I picked a 2003 US Postal team hat.

Also in the bag was a livestrong bracelet, an event sticker, postcards for future events and advertisements, a pair of yellow "Ride 4 Yellow" chums, a bag tag, some Honey Stinger gel and a bar, and a yellow "Ride 4 Yellow" toothbrush. Now even my toothbrush fights cancer. Also given away in the line were some yellow and black socks bearing the logo of the local cycling club.

The next morning started early, with us waking up before 5am. Fuel consisted of Red Bull and Larabars. I also had a Honey Stinger bar to support the local company right there in Steamboat.

All of the riders were shuttled to the top of the pass on big tour buses.

It was a long drive up, but once there, it was clear that this was where the event was starting. People were everywhere and our bikes (dropped off the night before) were waiting for us.

Almost immediately I found Sarah and our friend Scott, from Milwaukee.

I was really excited that I was going to be able to ride with Scott. I've ridden with him before, he is a great rider, and he and his wife have been a big source of support for Sarah and I.

Before the ride, a couple of fairly famous cyclists walked right past us and gave a small speech each.

Really, they walked right past us as in less than an arm's length. Both times I was surprised despite expecting it. First, Dave Weins' bike is unmistakable, and I recognized that before I recognized him. After that, it is hard to miss a Radioshack full kit walking right past you, moving with a purpose.

Also pictured (To Lance's right) is Governor Bill Ritter who also gave a humorous speech. Obviously, Lance Armstrong and Dave Weins rode first. After that, the riders went out in waves.

It was here at the very start where I got to meet event organizer Dave Nagel who treated Sarah like a VIP. He is pictured to my far right, and below with Sarah.

I cannot say enough good things about the "Ride 4 Yellow" staff and organizers.

The ride itself wasn't easy. We started on a fast fire road.

It didn't take long to get into the singletrack, though. Shortly after a few climbs, we had a few moments where we got to "cyclocross" it.

I wasn't alone. Here's a picture of some better riders doing it much earlier than I at the exact same spot. When I'd heard about that, I didn't feel so bad for not attempting to ride through that stuff.

The ride was very well supported with many volunteers along the way and a couple of aid stations. There was even a helicopter keeping watch.

The views from the top were spectacular.

So we had to stop for a few pictures.

This is what speed looks like:

For those interested, Lance rode a hard tail, carbon fiber Trek (2011 GF collection?) 29er with Sram XX components. Armstrong and Weins were finished in about 2 hours. It took Scott and I just over 4 hours to finish.

The finish wasn't technically at the bottom but rather at the top of the Gondola. This is where the party was. Sarah was there to meet me at the finish as well as capture pictures of the last little drop into the party area.

Here, Scott and I crossed the finish line.

After this was lunch, which was terrific. Dave Nagel, the event director highlighted the top 10 fundraisers, and a few shared their story, which is always special.

The keynote speaker was Lance Armstrong's mom, Linda Armstrong Kelly, introduced by Dave Weins, who also spoke again.

She is an excellent public speaker. I think she may have talked for 25 minutes. She had a lot of great points, good stories, a few laughs, and there were a few moments where I felt like I was getting a little teared up. It is weird, since everyone in the room knew her story and Lance's, but the way she tells it really hits anew, and probably more so if it is something you can directly identify with, which I'm sure virtually everyone can. For me it was the chemo stories. For Sarah, I suspect it was the role of the caregiver.

Obviously she got a standing ovation when she finished. Her message was positive and uplifting and the audience responded.

The final event of the day was an auction which was hosted by Verne Lundquist, who makes his home in Steamboat Springs.

That was largely the end of the event, other than the well-wishes and goodbyes. After that, Scott and I rode down the rest of the mountain to the base into Steamboat Springs.

The whole day was a great experience, and I cannot wait to go back again next year.

OFT: Steamboat Wine Fest

2010-08-10T22:28:00.000-06:00

This past weekend, we escaped to Steamboat Springs for a weekend away with some friends. The purpose of the trip was to hit the Steamboat Wine Festival, but also to get away and relax.

We had a terrific weekend. Our friend Sheri rented a really nice condominium not far from the resort. We got in late Friday night. I was disappointed it was dark when we arrived, since I'd never been to Steamboat and wanted to see it. The drive was beautiful, however, and we got to see much of that.

Saturday morning Sheri and Scott made breakfast and we ate. Then the four of us went on a bike ride up the Spring Creek Trail. Barely into the ride, the craziest thing happened: This bee be-friended Sarah by flying down the back of her shirt, stinging her 3 times there, and getting her neck before she could finally ride away from him, after tossing her helmet and glasses! She managed to smile anyway.

Sheri and Scott enjoyed themselves as well.

We did find one steep hill.

Only Scott rode up it. I accidentally dropped my bike as we finished and had to quick scramble to find a bike shop for a part, but then we went back and enjoyed a delicious lunch. Sheri prepared it, although she said that she'd be willing to try some Josh-recipes, which is a first. Even the buffalo sauce-flavored tuna quesadillas.

Later that night we met up with some of Scott and Sheri's friends and hit the wine fest. The wine was great, of course. They had food there as well, including elk "brats," which were my favorite, although some alcoholic mini-cupcakes (flavored like cherry coke) were a close second. The other "win" was that Stella Artois was there giving out full beers in fancy Stella glasses. I don't like to mix, but it was hard to pass on. What a relaxing day!

Guest blog: Dave writes of "Dave's Ride for Josh"

2010-08-01T23:13:00.001-06:00

If this blog were an 80s TV sitcom, this would be "A very special episode of _____." It is not an 80s show, but this is a very special blog post. The background to it can be found here.

Last weekend was The Scenic Shore 150 Bike Tour, or "Dave's Ride for Josh." He texted me both days when he was done, and he made great time considering crowds and conditions, but more importantly, finished safely and strongly.

How did Dave's fundraising efforts go?

As you can see from his pledge page, it exceeded all goals and expectations! This unbelievably awesome. I asked Dave to write up a quick summary, and he has, which is here in red:

"On July 24th I participated in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Scenic Shore 150, or as I liked to call it "Dave's Ride for Josh". Many of you Josh vs. Lymphoma readers donated money for my ride, and thanks to your generosity, I was able to raise $2010 (more than twice my original goal). Since many of the donations came from readers of this blog, and people I don't even know, Josh was kind enough to let me post a blog entry about the ride.

First of all a very huge THANK YOU to everyone who donated. I was overwhelmed by the number of donations from people all over the country. Since I wasn't able to ride with Josh, I took him (and the bratwurst from Miller Park) with me on my bike in spirit.

The first day started out cloudy and rainy and since Milwaukee was hit with some flooding the day before, it was a little concerning. I wore the snorting bull jersey that Josh sent me for the first day's ride. One Fun Thing indeed. As the day went on the sun and humidity showed up making things a little more difficult. There was plenty of "scenis shore" to see, along with some farm land. We finished the first day a little under 5 hours averaging 15 miles an hour, not bad for my first distance ride.

Day two started out with tired legs and sore butts, but once we got going, I was surprised by how much energy I had. That was until the hills came. Day two had a lot more hills than the first day, so that slowed down our pace. I rode in my Scenic Shore Sprinter jersey that I was awarded for raising over $1000. After riding through some head winds and some hills we finished in about 5 and a half hours. I took Josh (and the bratwurst) with me all the way to the finish line. Hopefully next year, I can take the real Josh with me.

Thanks again to everyone who donated, and to everyone who encouraged me through my training and the ride itself. -Dave"

The whole thing is so touching and impressive, I'm not even sure what to say. Thank you (both to Dave and to everyone who donated) doesn't seem sufficient, but it is the best I can do. I can also leave a few other pictures he sent Sarah and I, and say that Sarah is already making plans for us to hopefully join this event next year.

One Important / Interesting Thing

2010-08-01T22:42:00.004-06:00

It has been almost 3 weeks since I was told my PET scan was clean, a "complete response," and that I am in remission. Since that time I have been on a tear to do fun things.

One of the thoughts that has commanded much of my attention is the idea that I have been given a tremendous gift. This doesn't take much thought at all, but what does occupy time is trying to decide what to do with this gift. I think I have alluded to this struggle a little bit before on this blog. Do I live for fun? Should I make many little changes or a big change in life? Is this simply the end of a chemistry experiment gone initially bad, and then improved with chemotherapy?

This weekend I was reminded that what I am wrestling with is commonly called, in cancer circles, the "Obligation of the Cured." Cured is an interesting word. It is not one that I can apply to myself just yet, or rather, not one that an oncologist would apply to me. There are various milestones in time that must be achieved first. Still, when I got this reminder, it very much hit home that this is exactly what I've been thinking about. I don't think I'll ever be held accountable, and yet I cannot imagine ever explaining to anyone how or why I may have ignored this. This is especially serious considering the support and advice I was given from a fellow survivor that I have blogged about previously.

What is the best way to "pay this forward?" I certainly do not have an answer yet. I definitely appreciate, as just mentioned, all the direct support I've been given, and not just by Hoss but by many others, many who haven't had cancer. As a result, I've been on the lookout for ideas.

I've spent some time thinking about Imerman's Angels, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and Livestrong. I've mentioned the latter two as two particular organizations that have directly helped me.

This weekend Sarah and I attended a Livestrong University workshop. I was hesitant to go, and I think Sarah even more so. You can read what the plan for these are on that link, but I've copied it here:

LIVESTRONG Action Workshops will focus on providing the foundational skills needed for advocates to lead the fight against cancer in their communities. Advocates will learn how to meaningfully communicate with decision makers, gain the attention of the local media and utilize their stories to put a “human face” on the cancer crisis. Workshops are dynamic and interactive, giving advocates the opportunity to build new relationships and utilize their skills to immediately affect change at a local, state, national and global level.

I wasn't sure if this is what I wanted to do, but I wanted to explore the idea. It seemed like a lucky coincidence that I found out about this workshop two days prior to it occurring.

The workshop was more powerful than I expected. We worked on sharing our story. Mine is well outlined and documented here on this blog, and yet it wasn't easy putting it into a 2-4 minute presentation with a goal of convincing someone to do something. There were many stories, and all were great. They highlighted a variety of backgrounds and experiences.

One of the key things I realized about myself while sharing my story was how uninvolved I was prior to this. I had thought about trying to help one of these organizations, but beyond financially, I never have. I don't know why. I guess I didn't know where, or how, or if I even should if I haven't been directly affected. (I should have.) Given the number of people I've known with cancer this seems odd, but I didn't have it myself. Truthfully, it also partly seemed like an exclusive club you didn't want to be in. Would I be suspect for trying to join without the "proper credentials?" I can now assure each and every reader having since obtained the "proper credentials" - NO one will be suspect of motives.

I called this "One Important / Interesting Thing." It actually also qualifies as "One Fun Thing" as well, but it seems so much more important than a trip to the aquarium or monster truck show.

In short, we met some very great people, including our moderator from Livestrong in Austin. We discovered there are many ways to get involved, and I really hope to do more as I can and as I become more connected. So, look for more on that front over time. In the meantime, if anyone is looking for a jumping off point to get involved themselves, I have some great links above......

Radiation seems unlikely

2010-07-27T23:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday would've been my first "dose" of radiation. However, my radiation oncologist cancelled all my appointments. He called two weeks ago wanting to tell me my PET scan was clean.

I asked what that meant. It was the third phone call in 2 days to tell me as much, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Or rather, I thought I did, but wanted to hear it. What medical oncology called "remission," he called a "Complete Response." We had expected a bunch of scar tissue from so much tissue, but I had very, very little. This was completely unexpected after much discussion with oncology and even my surgeon.

The radiation oncologist told me he wanted to make an appointment to sit down and talk to Sarah and I soon, which was last week. When his schedulers called to verify the appointment, I found out he had cancelled my other simulation and all my radiation. Clearly he was serious.

We talked last week for about an hour in his office. He had initially planned on the radiation (obviously) and laid out all the trials for us. It wasn't a SURE thing at that point, but pretty sure. The data gave just enough wiggle room that if I absolutely didn't want it, I could probably have gotten out of it with him, but not my medical oncologist.

This time was different. Now he felt he would NOT radiate. The whole hang-up was that I don't *truly* have bulky disease after all. The reports in my chart say "bulky" but the unfortunate thing is that actually means something specific in radiation oncology, and they should have just said "large." The criteria in medical oncology was 6cm (mine was 7cm), but his criteria per the studies was 10cm or 33% of my chest (this was about 14%). Moreover, although my tumor was huge, it was several huge lymph nodes grown together, which he felt changed the picture as well.

In any case, he would do either thing I wanted, treat or not, but if it were his decision on himself, he would not do it. So, I won't. The risks / benefit ratio is just high in his opinion.  Basically, I've got a ~15% chance (or less, since not really bulky) of relapse. If I got radiation, I'd decrease it to maybe 8-10%, but, I had cancer below the diaphragm, and it could recur anywhere. Usually it is the chest, but potentially anywhere. So, radiation marginally decreases the risk of relapse.  However, the risk of radiation on solid organs (think heart, lungs, esophagus) is about 1% per year. So, basically I have to live 15 more years for that risk to tip over towards not doing radiation. I sure hope I can get 15 more years.   Furthermore, cancer of the lung or esophagus is serious business. My chance at a cure for a relapsed lymphoma (or leukemia) is better than solid organ, and during the simulation, he decided he would be hitting a big field with a lot of lung. This made him nervous. This combined with the bleomycin (the drug that causes lung problems) wasn't the best situation.

So, am I happy? Well, sort of. A very tempered yes. There are big risks on both sides, so this isn't a fun decision to make. It is why I deferred to the radiation oncologist.

However, I am comfortable with it, since I think it is the best we know right now. I feel as though this physician did a lot of work and investigating on my behalf and made a lot of phone calls for other opinions. Either way could go very right, or very wrong. So, I'm not really "happy" per se, but I'm comfortable.

On the other hand, in terms of instant gratification, I am a little excited. Basically, I'm done until follow-up in October. Until then, I'm trying to cram as much fun in as I can.

One Fun Thing: Camping

2010-07-27T23:20:00.000-06:00

Cabin-ing, actually. This past weekend we took the dogs to Dory Hill Campground. I'd never stayed here before, but I'd biked past it many times, and many times I'd stop in for gatorade.

The dogs seemed to enjoy the time away. This was Lucy's first trip. Both dogs most enjoyed getting absolutely filthy in the dirt.

We did some hiking, but mostly just relaxing. Cooked some camp-out food, had some coffee, and caught up on some reading. Pharmacy stuff in my case.

We figured the dogs would be really tired. They were, but not as much as you'd think when we got home. Still, they slept most of the way.

We got home in time to catch up on some of the Tour, and then I even got a mountain bike ride in that evening. Not a bad weekend at all.

One Fun Thing: Riding bikes with Lance Armstrong

2010-07-19T23:27:00.001-06:00

A good friend of ours sent us this info regarding an event during a weekend we were already planning on spending in the area.

Needless to say, I was pretty interested. The event details can be found here at Ride 4 Yellow. So, what about the ride? The description, from the website, is as follows:

The Divide Trail is an epic Rocky Mountain single track ride following the Continental Divide that will be supported with aid stations and support on course.

This is a non-competitive ride and the trail is suitable for a wide range of abilities. However, this ride is not recommended for inexperienced mountain bikers. The Divide trail is a challenging but not extreme single track trail. At just under 26 miles, riders will experience moderate to difficult terrain. The ride ends with a fun descent from the top of the Steamboat ski mountain.

If you’ve ever wanted to do this ride now is the time. We’ll have an aid station at Long Lake (approx. 1/2 way) plus support on the course.

As I've posted, I have recently purchased a new mountain bike. I've been trying to hit the trails pretty hard, and I've had some friends act as great mentors in showing me the ropes. Still, "challenging" and "moderate to difficult terrain" and "not for inexperienced mountain bikers" are fairly clear warnings. Despite this, it is not an opportunity I wanted to miss, for obvious reasons.

Moreover, I've been wanting to do this race next year, or possibly even this one. (The latter would be what we call a "stretch goal" at work). So a 26 mile ride seems like a great start, and certainly no slouch of a mountain bike ride. This past weekend's Fat Tire Classic was a great starting point as a test of theory.

What does the course look like? The photos look gorgeous. The profile, however, looks a bit scary.

I'm liking everything up to about mile 16. Beyond that is what makes me most nervous. I am terrified of the downhill. So, what we've established is that we have a challenging course, a big downhill, and a cancer survivor who should be right at the end of his radiation treatment. Sounds like a recipe for success, right?

Absolutely no doubt about it, this will be a challenge for me. Another mountain to climb, so to speak, although more literal in this case than the ones I've had in my lymphoma battle. Given the circumstances, I'll be doing everything in my power to channel my best Jens Voight. (Shut up legs!!!)

What else? Lance's mom will be the keynote speaker at the event celebration. All of the proceeds from the event will go towards fighting cancer or benefitting those fighting: Half will go to Livestrong and the other half will go to the LOCAL community of Steamboat Springs for cancer related services.

In order to do the ride with Lance, you need to raise $500. I am not soliciting donations. I've already donated the entire amount myself. I'm extremely touched and pleased by everyone's generosity towards the Leukemia and Lymphoma society as so many have donated to Dave's Ride for Josh, such that he has achieved 150% of his goal in fundraising.

However, Livestrong and a local cancer project is still obviously a great cause. The former is as near and dear to me as LLS, and so if anyone is compelled to give to fight cancer (or seeking to decrease their tax burden), that link is here.

It is extremely likely I won't even see Lance Armstrong himself. Besides having a lot of handlers, he'll be at the front, and I'll be off the back immediately. Despite this, I'm very excited as I anticipate this to be a very cool experience, and certainly one very fun thing.

One Fun Thing: Fat Tire Classic

2010-07-19T19:57:00.000-06:00

In an attempt to balance not boring-up this blog as well as still indicating that I am, in fact, doing fun things and living my reclaimed life, I'll try to concisely post about a few fun things as I can.

This past weekend was the Fat Tire Classic up in Winter Park, Colorado.

We went up Friday night and got there around 8pm. By the time we were checked in and got the dogs and bikes into the hotel it was almost 9pm, but we did manage to order a couple of salads from the restaurant and bar in the hotel.

Our hotel was great. We stayed at the Winter Park Mountain Lodge.

This was a great hotel because (as noted) they let you bring your bikes and dogs into the room, and it was relatively inexpensive, and they had a decent bar / restaurant, although apparently their microbrews left a little to be desired.

The Fat Tire Classic was fun. We went with some friends from work, and rode the trails on Saturday, seen here.

I'm told we rode around 33 miles with just over 3000 feet of climbing after being out for just about 4.5 hours or so, including stops at the aid stations and some sight seeing and a mechanical. That was easily the longest I've been in the saddle this year, and it felt great but at the end I was quite spent. While I did that, Sarah took Lucy on a nice long hike and got her into the stream a few times.

The next day, two friends did some downhill runs, but I was pretty tired and could hardly bike at all. So, I did a little ride into town with Sarah and back. We got back into Denver with plenty of time to watch the day's Tour de France stage.

The weekend ended with us having dinner with a friend. All in all a great weekend.

Radiation Oncology appointment #2....and some good news

2010-07-14T21:09:00.000-06:00

As I posted, I had my PET scan yesterday. Although it was only my second time, it went very routinely. Hard to even comment on it. I was nervous about it, for obvious reasons, but really I was nervous about the results.

Today was my second appointment in radiation oncology. The first one was simply meeting with the radiation oncologist and talking about everything. After that meeting, I felt like I had a decent grasp on what radiation entailed. Maybe I wasn't as sure as I thought.

When I got there today, my doctor was not around. I guess I hadn't anticipated that he wouldn't be there, but the appointment wasn't with him, it was a "simulation." So, I figured they'd just "simulate" where the radiation would go. It started out with a consent with one of my physician's partners. He went through all the standard things, which include the possibility of future cancers from radiation, but the high risk of relapse without it. Then he asked if I had any concerns. Well, of course I did! Was there anything he could do about them? No.

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before or not, so I will here. I apologize for those that have heard this, which is most of you. When they discuss "focused field" radiation and "shielding" organs, what I had imagined was basically "Batman" body armor, with the ribbed abs built in, and instead of a yellow bat symbol, a tumor shaped hole cut out. I guess this was a ridiculous expectation, but I didn't know. Halfway through chemotherapy, one of my nurses laughed at that and told me what it would really be.

What I didn't know was that although I wouldn't get my batman armor, I would be getting a mask. Stolen from google images, this is what it looks like:

So, I was under the impression that my "focused field" would be right at the chest, but one of the planners suggested (in the room, although not to me) that it could go as high as my chin. Maybe she was talking about something else, but I don't know. She said that she wanted my chin to go "as high as he could take it." Wow.

I suppose I should say here that the mask does NOT start out looking like that. It starts as a flat meshy thing with a frame (as you can see in the pic). So, imagine the mask being flat. It looked plastic and brittle. They said they'd put hot water on it and form it to my face. I heard this, I thought I understood it, but it came as one of the bigger surprises in my life. So, they are showing me the flat "pre" version of my mask, and the next thing I know, I'm laying on the table, with my head in the cradle (and chin "as high as I could take it"), and they are pushing this mask over me the way you might use a pillow to smother a person! Sure enough, that "brittle looking" plastic gave way all over my face and then they're putting cold cloths on to "solidify" it.

So, now I'm laying on the table in this CT machine, and I'm in this mask, and they are screwing the mask to the table, and I'm closing my eyes because there are lasers everywhere, and I have my shirt off and all these sharpie marks on my chest, and now I'm wondering.....how did I get to this point? They started to put tape everywhere and I managed to get out that I had a tape allergy. (Sort of. Still). They yank the tape off, but told me they'd start, and then I had 15 (?) minutes in the machine, eyes closed, no idea what was going on.

Eventually they came out and unhooked my head from the table. I was very confused. If was in a CT machine, it wasn't on, since they didn't make me remove my metal belt buckle or watch or anything. So, then they were ready to mark me. Instead of my batman armor, they give you these tiny dot tattoos to line up where the radiation will be.

At this point, I had no idea what my PET scan results were, and neither did any of these "planners." OK, so, how can you "mark" me for my radiation when you have no idea where you'll be radiating? The answer to this question was that 1) they'd largely be using the old scan, since they're going for my biggest tumor primarily, but even more so 2) they're just body landmarks, and they use them to shift the field of radiation towards the tumor, rather than actually marking the tumor. So, that was marginally calming information. After that I got my little tattoos, and then was sent to watch a video about radiation.

The appointment ended with a nurse who basically told me about skin care. There wasn't really any worthwhile information from that meeting, and I was allowed to leave. I was feeling very overwhelmed and quite honestly, I was nervous. I went back to work to finish a few things before heading home.

On the way home, one of the (medical) oncology nurses called on behalf of my oncologist to tell me the PET scan indicated remission. Maybe today wasn't such an upsetting day after all.

Another all purpose update - all quiet on the medical front

2010-07-11T22:33:00.000-06:00

The crab legs were awesome. Better than I had remembered. I ate a lot of them, and probably could have eaten more, but couldn't help but notice I was still eating when everyone else was done and so I stopped.

I haven't written anything here in a while, because not much has happened medically. On Friday, my port came out. I had sort of mixed feelings about this, first because I was so thankful to get it, second because it helped out so tremendously, and third because if things don't go well, I'm afraid of needing it again. It is out, though. Having it put in was so much better than getting it out, because getting it put in involved conscious sedation, and getting it out only involved local anesthetics, which weren't nearly as pleasant. I have a tegaderm dressing on it now, and that can come off tomorrow. So far, I'd say my "skin allergy" is gone, except one corner of the dressing is really red and irritated and showering makes that area burn like crazy. So, I don't know what that is all about.

What else do I know? Tuesday is my PET scan. Wednesday I have a simulation session in radiation oncology, and the Wednesday after that a "port" (as in portrait) session. I'm pretty sure this doesn't involve photography or sketching. July 26 is when my radiation is tentatively scheduled to start.

So, I haven't blogged because nothing exciting has happened medically. This was my line of thought. However, Sarah has noted that I haven't written about fun things either. We are definitely doing more fun things. "One Fun Thing" has turned into "Multiple Fun Things" each week, which I am thankful for, and I'm working on cramming even more in constantly. This can sometimes decrease time for blogging.

I've gotten a lot of rides in these days. That's great. Sarah has gotten some riding in herself. We've had some dinners with friends which have been great. We went to the American Mountaineering Museum, which was terrific. We took Lucy to the Farmer's Market, and she had a good time. We took the dogs out for Doggy Ice Cream. We've been watch the Tour de France. Even more, we have a few weekends away planned, as well as a longer vacation this winter. So, there are definitely things to look forward to coming up. I'll try to do better in highlighting fun things, and of course I'll post how the next few appointments go.

A desire to eat crab legs

2010-06-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

Consider this an open invite.

One of the things I haven't had in months is crab legs. I haven't had it since definitely before starting chemotherapy. Not because I couldn't, but because I was encouraged to not eat my favorite foods during chemo lest they become not my favorite any longer.

"Joe's Crab Shack" is a favorite of both Sarah and I. It certainly isn't the ambience. In fact, let's be honest: the environment in there is basically what I'd call "barely tolerable." The music is way too loud, it is way too cheesy, and the waitstaff is forced to act borderline obnoxious. I'm not really sure why. Plus, it is a gimmicky chain. I'm not even sure how fresh the crab legs are all the way in Colorado. Having said all that, it is still a favorite simply for the BBQ flavored seasoned crab legs.

And so, on Saturday July 3rd, one week from today, Sarah and I are going back for crab legs for lunch (probably 11am or noon). This will be our first time in over 6 months. If anyone would like to join us, please email me and let me know. I've been waiting for months, and am extremely excited to do this as part of a "reclaiming my life" feast. So depending on your perspective, it may be an amazing (or disgusting) display of gluttony based on how I feel. Afterwards, I start my diet and begin (resume) riding my bike in an attempt to peel off all this excess cancer weight.

Chemotherapy 12 of 12 (or finished ALL 6 cycles)

2010-06-22T00:14:00.000-06:00

Today was my final chemotherapy, at least with ABVD. I've gotten my lifetime dose of doxorubicin. In other words, I cannot do this again. If it failed, I'm on to something else, which is scary because ABVD truly wasn't the worst cancer regimen around, but if it failed there is obviously no sense in doing it again.

So, this will be a very special edition of Josh-Vs-Lymphoma, for two reasons.
1) I've finished my chemotherapy
2) This round was bad, I cannot sleep, and so it may be particularly insightful.

As I noted early on, I started this blog for several reasons with the biggest one keeping anyone who wanted updated on my progress without feeling as though they are bugging me (which I still don't mind, btw). It is admittedly easier than so many emails, but I enjoy the email too. The other reason is because journaling is supposed to be important as a process. The last is so that it may be helpful for others or myself looking forward or back at different times. I've tried to minimize the "other distractions," perhaps not so successfully, in order to give everyone a glimpse into exactly what I am going through. I've saved some of the most unpleasant details, and some of the deepest thoughts.

So, why blog tonight so late? I cannot sleep, and I assure you it is not out of excitement. So, you may get some random thoughts. As a warning, they may not be coherent, or, I may get tired again before getting to them.

They saved one of the worst for last. Wow. This was a knockout punch before it was even fully delivered. I don't think I helped myself. One piece of advice from a fellow Hodgkins survivor was to not overdo it before I was done. This great piece of advice is something I maybe should have followed but did not. I tried to cram as much fun and activity into my "good" weekend before chemo as possible. Why? I finally felt like my old self again, something I can say about 4-5 individual days -to date- in about 10 months. There was NO WAY I was going to take them easy, and despite the pain now, I don't regret one second of that.

On Sunday, I rode my new mountain bike for 2 hours and 20 minutes, all up and down some shaded hills outside Conifer, CO. I rode harder than I have in months, and I had a blast. The nice thing about being a relative newbie again was that even in that short time, I learned things and got better. I don't regret that even a little, despite the possibility it may be adding to my pain now. I regret not bothering with recoverite when I was done, since the effort was harder than I immediately thought. After that, I watched a bunch of TV and stayed up late in the hopes I'd sleep through chemo, which I did.

Chemotherapy was early, and morning came fast. The day at the infusion center didn't go by so fast. I did get my venti, iced, non-fat, caffeine-free latte. Why? Flavor and smell. It has also occurred to me that I never have posted a picture of what chemo day looks like, so here goes:

So, the infusion center has two sides. On this side, you have this view of downtown Denver and, in theory, the front range. The other side I think I like better because you have a few of the helicopter ambulance pad: A reminder that someone always has it worse, plus, who doesn't enjoy watching that action? (This isn't a necessary reminder in oncology, by the way). I'm reading a kindle that some very dear friends sent us upon diagnosis, and wearing a Salt Lake Bees hat my parents sent me from their recent travels. Beyond that, I really don't even recognize myself anymore, despite the fact that I see myself in the mirror several times daily. Who is this? The hair is only a small part of it, I don't even recognize my face, and on chemo day, my skin color is all different. I stopped shaving my head Saturday. I cannot stop shaving my face, however. At this point I cannot grow a mustache or a soul patch, and so in completeness, this would make for a very weird Abe Lincoln / Amish style beard. The neck beard still grows like kudzu, illustrating yet another injustice of cancer.

On yout last chemo session, all of the nurses sing part of "Hit the road, Jack" to you. I don't particularly like being individually sung to (except for maybe a mariachi band at a Mexican restaurant), but they also give you a nice card, which I just opened now as I type because I'm more awake now around midnight, than I was then. Some of these nurses are just the most special people, but I do hope I don't have "Come back no more (no more, no more)."

I laid down almost immediately upon getting home. I'm not sure for how long, but I got so much fluid, I was up to the bathroom about every 90 minutes. I still am. After a while, Sarah brought Chinese take-out. I only ate half of my meal, which is unusual, but because I simply didn't need it all. After that was about 90 minutes of DVR'd History Channel (I love the Ice Road Truckers) and then bed again. I decided to sleep in the basement tonight because it is cooler and I had an expectation.

My expectation was bleomycin sweats, and it came true. This is why I'm up now. (Not a huge prediction, I've had it the last two doses). I'm laying on the futon sweating and I decided to get more tylenol, which is the recommended cure. Then, I laid back down and noticed how many little lights I had in the basement. Enough to light up the fat heads of both Ryan Braun and Aaron Rodgers. (For those of you sportsfans out there, I wrote one of the Rodgers fathead reviews. Try to guess which one.) So I'm laying on the futon, pondering life, and it made sense to blog since sleeping seems to be out, momentarily. It also made sense since I typically write about each session the "Tuesday-after" in the morning and I expect to be a walking zombie by then.

I was correct on my prediction from yesterday: I have to pee constantly, and I'm very thirsty. I'm also dizzy and stunned. I have no idea why the chemo hit so hard this time, aside from all the extra activity lately. It has not yet hit me that I will not be going back for more just yet. Why? I still have 2.5-3 painful days ahead, and then radiation. That's a best case scenario, too. As noted, I still worry that maybe this didn't work and I will be going back and if that is the case, it'll be for something much worse.

Having said all that, I am a little excited to be "done" for now. It is a tempered excitement, and the happiest part of it is that no matter what happens now, I'll have a few weeks (once past the impending days of fatigue and pain) of being normal -really almost back to my old normal- before the radiation starts. Now I'm just being repetitive, but I really have not had that in going on a year. I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to eat a few foods that I've been denied for so long, and then I need to get to work on losing about 25 pounds, so I'm going to hit the bike hard. (And eat more appropriately, after those few indulgences). I can also start looking for the "new normal" that cancer survivors describe, since life never goes back to old normal. Parade magazine talked about this yesterday:

Last year Livestrong surveyed more than 2000 cancer survivors about their concerns. What was most interesting, notes Ruth Rechis, the foundation's director of evaluation and research, was that "even up to 20 years out, no one had had all their issues resolved."

Not surprising findings, but I'm not even officially one day out, let alone 20 years.

Well, by now the tylenol has kicked in to mellow out the bleomycin late night party, so, I'll probably look for my sleeping bag again momentarily.

Josh Vs. Lymphoma: Lymphoma may have taken the first few rounds, but I think with the help of the oncologist, we've battled back to at least even and probably more. I sure hope it is time to deliver a few knockout punches of our own.

A mini FAQ update

2010-06-20T16:27:00.000-06:00

Can a blog have an FAQ update without actually having an FAQ? This one can. Whether or not it should is another question, but one we will not be tackling tonight.

The number one question I've gotten lately pertains to how much I'm looking forward to tomorrow's chemotherapy session. So, to do this right: Q: How much are you looking forward to your last chemotherapy session?

A: Not as much as you'd expect. Of course I am excited to be done, but it is still chemotherapy and I'm very much dreading it, as I have any of the last few. The day likely won't be so bad, but I'm not looking forward to one more round of fatigue, mouth sores, and weird hunger and food cravings. As always, just when I'm really starting to feel good, I'll get a serious knockdown tomorrow. Sub-Q: What's that like?

Sub-A:

There's a bigger picture aspect to this as well: I'm a little bit afraid of the unknown. For the past 6 months I've been on a very well defined treatment plan. I'll have a little break, and then some radiation, but after that, then what? The "r-word 1" (remission) has not even been used yet, and I'm already worried about "r-word 2" (relapse).

Q: Are you going to celebrate after tomorrow's session?

A: I'd sure like to, but chances are very good I'll be in my typical post-chemotherapy haze which involves being mildly dizzy, sort of tired, sort of thirsty yet constantly having to urinate from all the IV fluid, and a general stunned sensation. We'll probably get some marginally unhealthy take-out, watch TV and I'll crawl into bed. Keep your eyes on the blog for other celebrations coming up, however.

Q: What is your next step?

A: I'm hoping to find out tomorrow. I'll have a P.E.T.-planning scan. This is where they decide exactly where to "zap" me with radiation. Looks like radiation will be at some point mid-July or so. It'll be about 12 days: 5 days / week for 2 weeks (no weekends), and then 2 more days.

Q: Can you work during radiation?

A: I'm told, by my radiation oncologist, that I can indeed work during that time. I'm also told I'll be more tired, but that this is better than chemotherapy. (Thank goodness).

Q: Are you guys going to travel and take time off?

A: Yes. All in due time, though.

Q: Will you live to see the Milwaukee Brewers win a World Series?

A: I asked the Magic 8 ball and got the following:

Not just "no." However, I came to the conclusion all the way back in high school, that I could live to the full United States male life expectancy of 76-78 years, and I likely would never see the Milwaukee Brewers win a World Series. Thankfully, Wisconsin is also home to the (12-time world champion) Green Bay Packers, although it is not the same.

More after tomorrow's session.

"You believe in nothing."

2010-06-19T22:26:00.000-06:00

This is what Sarah told me. Yep, just like the nihilists (seen below) from my favorite movie "The Big Lebowski," I believe in nothing. Or so I was told.

If we are talking about music therapy, aroma therapy, color therapy, homeopathy, Chinese herbs, German herbs, accupuncture, accupressure, hypotherapy, hydrotherapy, reflexology, light therapy, bee products, chiropractic, naturopathic, iridology, shiatsu, tai chi, massage therapy, meditation, magnet therapy, or alternate nostril breathing (what?), -Sarah is right, I probably do believe in "nothing." As a pharmacist, I believe in good, old fashioned, FDA-approved pharmaceuticals based on SAR, or new drugs based on biotechnology; likewise I believe in the surgeon's scalpel.

Now, all of these CAM sort of things probably do have their place, and likely do have some marginal amount of benefit. Just ask Suzanne Somers. (Oh wait, when her back was to the wall, she came around as well.) Back to some of these things, I'll say that the coffee shop (any of them, by the way), has almost become "aromatherapy" for me, since that is the best smell I can think of for now.

So, how did we get to this statement? We were talking about these necklaces seen all over MLB this season, made by Phiten.

These are probably most famously seen on Josh Beckett.

"Experience the Energy." That's the claim seen above. Well, what does that mean? So, I looked into the website. Phiten makes some interesting claims. The first is the Energy Transport System.

OK, good to know: They stabilize the ions in your body. I wasn't really sure that my ions were unstable, but if I purchase this product, at least I won't have to worry.

Through Aqua-Titanium, Phiten scientists were actually able to dissolve titanium in water. I do hope my bicycle buddies who love titanium frames never let their bikes fall into the wrong hands of the Phiten scientists less they dissolve them in water! On the flip, though, imagine the power a full bicycle frame could wield if it could be used to harness your now-focused and stable ions. Moreover, who knew that titanium in cloth form can control your bio-electric current?

In X30 form, the concentration is 30 times higher, hence the name. No wonder it is the choice of Major League Baseball. Maybe Bud Selig and George Steinbrenner should get X30 necklaces - they're both reported to be in declining health.

OK, so the core of the necklace and bracelets isn't rubber, it has micro-titanium spheres. How could I not be sold? Yet, I was not yet sold. So, let's read a few testimonials, shall we?

Here's an interesting one:

“BOUGHT IT BECAUSE OF CONSTANT NECKPAIN AND HEADACHES. PUT IN ON AND WOW NO MORE HEADACHES NO NECK PAIN. ONE DAY I TOOK IT OFF TO TAKE SHOWER AND FORGOT TO PUT IT BACK ON BEFORE I LEFT TO WORK. MAN I COULDN'T WAIT TO GO HOME TO PUT IT ON, MY BACK HURT AND HAD HEADACHES. NOW THAT SHOWED ME THAT IT REALLY WORKS AND ITS NOT IN MY HEAD. BOUGHT ONE FOR MY PARENTS AND THEY FEEL THE SAME. MOST PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE ME, ITS OK THEY ARE MISSING OUT."

Phiten also makes discs, which had some interesting reviews on Amazon:

A few months ago I started getting pretty bad pain in my left knee whenever I'd run 3+ miles. It's kind of like a soreness/stiffness on the outside, that would get worse after I sat for long periods of time.

The weekend before the NYC marathon I ran in a short 5 mile race which I ran at my marathon pace and still had knee pains for the few days after. Ice and Advil helped, but I was worried what I'd feel like after running 26.2 miles. Immediately after the marathon (my first!!) my knee was killing me, and I'd taken a ton of Tylenol throughout and didn't want to risk taking more. I got a sample pack for these stickers at the marathon expo and I figured I'd check them out. Literally after 1 hour having them on, my knee felt completely fine (although I cannot describe the soreness the rest of my body felt!). I have absolutely no idea how these things work, but the fact that I had no pain after using them after running a marathon, but had a lot when I didn't use them after a 5 mile race really convinced me.

I used them on my ankle the next weekend (I've sprained both my ankles and often get similar soreness/stiffness there) and it worked there too. Although I've only used them twice, I've recommended them to all my friends who have pain due to athletics, and now I'm recommending them to everyone on amazon!

Wow. So, if you have sports-related pain, just stick a phiten product directly on the spot and let the ions re-stabilize and the energy flow. OK, so, I was a total skeptic. Sarah told me as much. So, I figured I would try the Milwaukee Brewers X30 (for 30 times the concentration) necklace, which I purchased from Amazon, since I had a giftcard anyway. Here's how it came:

And here are the claims from the back of the package:

Let's be realistic here: I've got a giftcard, and a product with the Milwaukee Brewers logo on it. Anyone who knows me might say this isn't a huge stretch to get me to buy it, as goofball as the claims may be.

So, does it work? Well, I received my amazon package a few days after chemo. Today, I am writing 2 days before chemo. I could write a testimonial saying how much better I feel today. That would probably be easily explained however, given how a chemo cycle works. I have worn this for about a month already, off and on, which would involve two doses. I cannot say that I feel like I have had my ions stabilized or that I've "experienced" the energy. Maybe the fact that I am such a skeptic has prevented me from enjoying the full benefits of liquid titanium or titanium microspheres.

I'm convinced these necklaces are handed to rookies on their first day, since I've seen them worn by guys making their MLB debut. They aren't horrible looking and that's why I haven't thrown this thing out yet. I like the little Brewer logos, so, it stays. Maybe in time I'll "experience the energy." Maybe I already am. Or again, maybe that's just because I'm getting closer to being done with chemotherapy. I'd LOVE to know if any JVL readers out there have tried Phiten products.

A fun Tuesday night climb

2010-06-16T21:16:00.000-06:00

For a few years already, I've spent most Tuesday nights riding up Lookout Mountain with the local cycling club. Last night, however, was a first for me because Sarah actually decided to come. This was her first trip up Lookout on a bike ever.

She wasn't convinced she wanted to do it, nor do I think she believed she could, but the beauty is that if you cannot, it is all downhill to home. That said, I was sure she would make it, and I was proven correct. Pretty sure she had a fun time as well.

Here she is near Windy Saddle, a little over halfway up.

Below is a picture from the observation deck at the top near Buffalo Bill himself.

It was a fun ride and we made decent time for a cancer patient. Certainly not my best ever, but far from my worst as well. We even felt good enough to do the optional loop around Boettscher at the top. A profile of this ride can be seen here. We didn't get up to the Country Club or Genessee, but definitely not bad for a first time. Hopefully we'll do this again really soon.

JoshCrisps: A delightful snack

2010-06-10T18:10:00.001-06:00

JoshPants™ rides again!!! This time in the kitchen, however.

I decided to make my own parmesan cheese crisps, hence the name JoshCrisps. Now, there's more to it than simply putting my name on an already existing snack, in order for me to do that, I must make some improvements.

Sarah and I were eating some parmesan crisps from Whole Foods when I decided I could do this myself. Parmesan is good, but my favorite type of cheese is Colby-Jack. (Improvement #1) So, I figured I'd make some Parmesan and Colby-Jack JoshCrisps.

What you see in the picture is the Parmesan already on the cooking sheets and I am preparing the Colby-Jack. You can see they take on a different appearance.

There are many different recipes out there for cheese crisps. All of them call for baking in the oven somewhere between 300 and 400* and for between 5-8 minutes. I will not divulge my actual JoshCrisps recipe, but, I fell within that range. Almost exactly in the middle of it, to be sure.

If you are feeling adventurous, you can season your crisps. (Improvement #2) I did that with a few and while I loved it, Sarah did not. In any case, you can see here how the Colby-Jack ones turned out.

Most recipes call for a well-greased cooking sheet. I used spray butter and if anything, I'd say my pans were too greasy, but I had no trouble removing the crisps. The Parmesan JoshCrisps turned out pretty well. The Colby-Jack ones were about as greasy as you'd expect, but I liked them none-the-less. I ate all of those myself.

I did have an opportunity to serve the Parmesan JoshCrisps to some friends that evening and they were quite edible.

Chemo 11 of 12: Odd this time

2010-06-08T13:21:00.000-06:00

Chemotherapy yesterday went OK, but it was sort of odd. I guess none have perfectly mimicked others, but this one especially so.

I had a 1:45 appointment with the oncologist but our goal was to get there at around noon for the blood draw just in case my port was clotted (again). It was not and all went well. Sarah and I had a small lunch at Quiznos (we split a "take 2:" she had a small salad, I had a small flatbread sandwich) before heading back.

Our meeting with the oncologist was busy. I did have my typical physical exam, heart and lungs sounded "great" and of course the lymph nodes were still gone, so she was pleased. Most of the meeting was planning for radiation and getting the port out. After that was chemo. During chemo, my nose was especially sensitive as I had to smell the disinfectant, the heparin, the alcohol pads, etc. Worse, I had filled my bottle with ice water from home, and our ice smells terrible to me. (Sarah cannot smell it at all). It is OK in anything with flavor, but not water so I asked Sarah to get me some clean ice and water from the oncology water machine, which was luckily lacking in odor.

Because we had started late, we finished late. We had a dinner of wraps and watched a shark show on TV, and then I went to bed around 8:30 or so. It was pretty hot up in our bedroom, and I didn't sleep well. In fact, I kept going downstairs for more water. Around 3am, I gave up and grabbed my pillow to head down to the cool and dark basement to sleep. I grabbed an old sleeping bag and set up on the futon, after cranking up the A/C another 4 degrees. I did not sleep well at all, but at least I wasn't feeling fever-ish. I never did get my temperature, but I didn't feel sick, just sort of hot. The basement was much better and I got some sleep.

Around 8am, I was up and could not force myself back to sleep. So, I laid there and watched a show about Mount Everest. (Lately I've been sort of on an Everest kick for TV and books, and I'm not sure why). In any case, I was finally up around 9:30am, although in my typical chemo fog where I wander aimlessly around the house.

It is now 1:20 and I've seemed to rebound a little bit. I probably won't do much of anything today, but that is finally typical for a Tuesday after chemo.

So, not a very exciting blog today, but I do promise I have a few potentially more interesting ones cooking!

No news is good news!

2010-06-03T22:51:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted in a while. This is not in any sort of attempt to create the world's least interesting blog or because I have given up, I really don't have much to say and don't wish to bore anyone. No news is good news here. I've had to re-assure my parents of this several times. I do have two blog-worthy projects I am working on.

This half-cycle has been OK. I've been fairly tired: maybe not quite much as others. This time the tired just dragged out a little more - I didn't need to go to bed right after work the week of chemo, but I was still recovering even into the holiday weekend.

So, what did we do for our holiday weekend? Not much. Travel is still sort of out for us, camping is unclean enough that I don't want to do it while neutropenic, so it was another weekend mostly around the house. Sarah planted some flowers. We washed the cars. We went on two very mild bike rides, watched some baseball, and mostly tried to recover.

I feel pretty good this week, though. Getting excited to move on past chemo in another month or so, but not really looking forward to radiation. We're trying to think about where we may like to visit assuming all the rest of this goes to plan. Rather than somewhere new, though, we're really thinking we'd like to get back to Wisconsin and South Carolina. We'll possibly do something more adventurous down the road, but more and more I've been daydreaming about relaxing on Folly, and maybe getting some Frogmore Stew.

What else? Sarah let me buy a new bike. I'd been saving for awhile, but the purchase even surprised me a little. Since I cannot enjoy the kind of road rides I'm used to, I decided to try my hand at mountain biking a little. I figured I'd try to maybe develop some skills there and just sort of have a good time rather than do any goal setting or anything like that. As such, the one rule I made for myself is no computers on the bike. Maybe next year, but for now I'm not tracking a single mile. I ride until I'm out of energy, out of time/daylight, or I've had my fill of fun.

I've been riding with Sarah as well, and she's been riding with two different clubs. So, putting a happy face on it, I'd say that cancer has presented me with the "opportunity" to have a couple different kinds of fun than I am used to for biking. Deep down, though, I'm hoping that as I get out more and more now and ride (with the relative anemia or whatever), that possibly I come back as some sort of fit monster. Unlikely, of course. I'm pretty sure I'll have to make it all up with extra intervals and trainer time this winter, which is OK too. It certainly beats this past winter by a longshot.